My Deepest Desires

New Blog but for real this time

2011-02-27T13:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I posted like 5 months ago saying I had a new blog.

Then life got kind of crazy.

So I'm starting over:

blueberriesforme.wordpress.com

2010-09-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Last day

2010-07-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

My stomach hurts.

I can't tell if its the 2 cups of coffee I've had, the heat, the 5 day old yogurt I ate for breakfast (don't judge) or the fact it's my last day working as a Jesuit Volunteer.

In 24 hours I will be on the road, heading away from my 2 years as a JV.

Remember the scene in the Poisonwood Bible where the girls drag themselves out of the jungle? That's a little how I feel right now. Exhausted.

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy. We have had to clean the entire house in preparation for the new JVs, visitors, work, paperwork, financial reports, more cleaning, packing, etc. I feel like I haven't sat down in weeks.

Oh yeah, and I think I'm supposed to be planning a wedding or something.

It's impossible to say what these two years have meant to me. I remember another part of the Poisonwood Bible when one of the girls talks about how after you feel a true hunger of the body, you can never fully relate to people who haven't. Now, we've had some meager meals,but have never gone hungry. But I understand the sentiment of that. JVC will change you, ruin you, forever. I don't know who I would have been without JVC, but I am know I am definitely a different person than I would have otherwise.

Before this past year, I didn't know any murders or anyone who had been murdered. Now I do.

Before this year, I had never eaten antelope, elk, or venison. Still have yet to try bear.

Before JVC, I had never had the confidence to confront people. Now I believe I do, and that relationships that mean something to you deserve honesty.

Before JVC, I had never been to a Jesuit parish, done an Examen, or taken part in a smudging. Now I find these all beautiful spiritual practices.

Before JVC, I hadn't met the man I would marry. (Had to thrown that one in there!)

Now I think about the four values, spirituality, community, social justice, and simplicity, every day. I am slower in my walk, and more reflective about my decisions. I see that everything I do has a consequence which I can try to nudge into a more honorable direction. Every action can be a spiritual one, from washing the dishes to reading an illiterate client his mail. I have grown closer to God in these years, I know, but I don't think I will fully realize the changes that have occurred for weeks, months, or even years from now.

I am grateful for this journey I have been on. It hasn't been easy, far from it, but it has been worthwhile.

So 3 more hours of working as a JV. I am a little nervous about the future. Being a JV has been my identity for so long, I don't know what FJV life will be like. But for the time, I am going to focus on the present and bask in what an incredible 2 years this has been.

I failed.

2010-07-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

Obviously I overestimated how much time I would have over the next few days to write. I've barely sat down for 2 weeks. Cleaning, packing, cleaning, working, cleaning, errands, and did I mention cleaning?

But anyway - congrats to the two Ashland JVs who finished the half marathon in Missoula this weekend! It was inspirational how you managed to train while balancing JVC. It was great seeing all of you ladies. Blessings on the next journey in your life!

What its like to work at a homeless shelter

2010-07-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd continue with yesterday's post and write a little more about what its like to work at a homeless shelter.

I have never ceased to be amazed at the breadth of issues we face here. Domestic violence, mental illness, child protective services, housing, Social Security, unemployment, food stamps, job searching, resume building, obtaining a GED. We deal with perpetrators and victims, child abusers and children.

The issue of homelessness extends far beyond a lack of housing, or a lack of a job. And our services don't extend much beyond being a safe place to be. We offer coffee, computers to print out a job application or to build a resume, a dry place to store your bags. A TV to watch movies or the news on. Sometimes we have donated clothes. Couches to sleep on if you've spent your entire night walking around town. We have a bathroom.

We provide GED pre-testing, but not really a place to study.

We have phones that you can call the domestic violence crisis line, but we don't have a secure women's shelter. (Not that all victims of DV are women, but a separate shelter would help).

We have computers to print out job applications, but not bus tickets so that you can get to the job.

We will have donations of socks, gloves, and hats in December, but not in March when it still gets below freezing every night.

Every day, we face inadequacy after inadequacy. Homelessness is a large problem without much of a solution. There are pieces we can chip away at, such as substance abuse or unemployment. But the problem of homelessness isn't as simple as we like to make it out to be. It isn't just a lack of housing.

Which can make working here pretty tough. Every day you see things that you wish you could forget, but you can't. Constantly we face a lack of donations, a lack of supplies, a lack of resources for an ever expanding population.

It's tough to describe what its like to spend day after day here. You get used to the smell of stale urine and beer, the ribald humor, calling 911. But there lies the rub. If you get to used to it, you become calloused and uncaring. But if you allow it to get to you, you remain vulnerable to the immensity of human suffering.

When we had our commissioning mass at orientation, our area director told us these words along these lines as he gave us our crosses "the weight of the world is not yours to bear alone, but you are not free to abandon it."

It's a tricky line to walk.

One week

2010-07-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

I have one more week of Jesuit Volunteering. (I'm leaving a little earlier, with some saved up vacation/overtime/holiday time/sick time). So I am going to try and post every day this week. And for today's post, here is my good-bye letter I wrote for the Poverello's newsletter:

At the Salcido Center, we have clients who will occasionally drop a quarter into a parking meter about to run out. We have clients who will walk around downtown looking for lost cell phones and bring them in to us so that we can find the owner.

I say this, because as a Jesuit Volunteer, we are asked to live out four values of social and environmental justice, spirituality, community, and simplicity, so that we can live in solidarity with those we are serving. But in my two years in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, I have never really achieved "solidarity." I may keep the heat down low in my house to save money, but I have never slept outside in the snow. I might bike to work, but I have never walked miles and miles to eat a meal. And I definitely have never spent the last quarter I have to make sure someone doesn't get a parking ticket.

Working at the Salcido Center has not only exposed me to all of the difficulties of people who are homeless, but also the myriad of experiences of people who come here. I have met men and women from all walks of life and have been overwhelmed by the stories I have heard. Stories from smoke jumpers, teachers, survivors of domestic violence, people who have been hardened by years on the street, and people who are terrified to spend their first night at a shelter.

If I hadn't worked at the Salcido, I would never have heard these stories, and never have seen not only the struggles, but the generosity of our clients. I have been truly to blessed to meet all the people I have had the pleasure to work with this year.

A few retreat pictures

2010-07-06T08:42:00.001-07:00

Courtesy of house photographer, Jen Certa.

1. Bree and I at a tea house in Butte

2. Playing Mafia

3. Making s'mores (man, I love s'mores.)

4. Butte is Cutte!

Worthwhile

2010-07-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

Things like this make it all worthwhile. A client gave me this note today.

Ugh

2010-06-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

I hesitate posting this because I don't want anyone to worry about me, for one. Also, if there are any potential JVs reading this out there, I don't want them to be scared! One of our staff at the Poverello was stabbed on Monday. Please read this article.

I am posting it because our staffer, the rest of the staff, and our clients could use your prayers right now. It's an incredibly rare incident, and he was very lucky. But its definitely shaken us all up.

Hays

2010-06-28T07:35:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures from our trip to Hays. Hays is in Eastern Montana which is in the plains, but there are the "Little Rockies" right beside it and a small (but neat!) canyon. It was incredibly windy there, which is why we are all looking pained in the picture in front of the church. The last one is of Bree at a ranch on the plains. She has a client that thought her name was "Breeze" instead of Bree, so we had to get a picture! All photos to the credit of Jen Certa.

Song

2010-06-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

This song reminds me a lot of our clients. I'm not great with the formatting, so sorry the video doesn't really fit. But the lyrics are enough.

Quintessential

2010-06-23T08:01:00.001-07:00

The other day, when it was my turn to cook, I made the (almost) quintessential JV meal, if I do say so myself. On the menu was:

* Marinated elk steak (gifted from an elderly couple who has befriended the JVs for years)

* Carrots (from the farmer's market)

* Biscuits (made from scratch by yours truly)

* Rice sides (One of those put in a pot and ready in 10 minutes, everything included)

So gifted, local, homemade, and cheap. The only thing that might have made it more JV is if we had also included something thrifted, ie from the food bank or donated to the Pov or YWCA.

In another "quintessential" Montana experience, I saw my first bitterroot flower, the state flower of Montana, yesterday. The unfortunate thing about having Mondays and Tuesdays off is that it leaves me with a lot of time alone. So on Tuesday, when the sun had finally came out and blessed us with some warmth, I biked up to Waterworks Hill. Waterworks Hill is also known as the "Peace Sign" hill. It got its name from a peace sign a few people had placed on the hill years and years ago. Turns out, not quite legal to place a sign on public land without permission, and it was removed. A peace sign out of rocks remains on the hill and is visible from downtown Missoula.

I hadn't done this hike yet as I had assumed it was just a trek up a barren hill, and therefore boring. I was wrong. The wildflowers were gorgeous. Sunflowers and tiny yellow flowers, bluebells and and a white flower that reminded me of the Queen Anne's Lace we see back east. And of course, bitterroots. In my opinion, they are quite deserving of the title of state flower. It was like an exclusively pink Easter egg hunt, spotting one behind a rock, one under another flower, one just off the path.

The views were some of the best in Missoula. Not only could you see the whole valley, but the Rattlesnake Valley as well. I hiked back down through Cherry Gulch, which did not offer the same views, but was very peaceful, with all that grass rustling in the wind and what not.

Ah, Montana.

Solstice

2010-06-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's just a few days from the solstice. The pinnacle of the year, the day the most sunshine will bathe this northern corner of our country. Right now we are getting almost 16 hours of sun, compared to the just under 16 hours of dark we will get 6 months from now. And in just under a month, I am reaching the end of my tenure as a Jesuit Volunteer.

It's a scary venture to no longer be in JVC. Being a "JV" has defined me for the last two years. There are moments when I am excited to leave. I can't wait to have control over my own checkbook, to just go grocery shopping when we're out of food and not to need to have a community meeting first. I'm excited to have a paycheck (ha! Just kidding, that's not gonna happen). I'm excited to not have to wear clothes that I don't care if they are spit up on, accidentally bleached while cleaning, or somehow otherwise ruined.

It's harder to define what I am sad about leaving. (Before you say goodness, she must've hated JVC, hear me out).

First, their are the trappings of JVC. Retreats, spirituality and community nights, area visits, meetings with support people. My retreats and area visits have already finished, and while I am sure one day I will miss them, they so recently finished, I don't yet. In my Spokane community, we placed a much greater emphasis on community and spirituality nights than we have in Missoula. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it has been different. I defined much of my JV experience last year through those nights, and so they are already a part of JVC from which I have transitioned. My lifestyle is considerably less focused on simplicity this year than last, which is something I have mourned.

There are other "trappings" of JVC, the job, the location. These I won't miss, since they won't drastically change. I left for JVC on an adventure to see the wild west, but I will remain here. I wanted to explore somewhere exotic, like Alaska, see all that was new and different, and then return home. Plans change, and the way you see a place once you realize you will be staying changes too. I have been slower to discover Missoula this year. It's also a little less exciting to experience sub zero winters when you realize it's not the only time you will have to endure it. I haven't bought any souvenirs or a t-shirt that says "Montana" because, well, that'd be weird to wear here. But Missoula feels much more like a home to me than Spokane did.

Then, of course, there is the job. I will miss my job, with all of its challenges, and with all the understanding it's brought me. I will miss seeing my clients daily and recognizing the faces of people who are homeless all around Missoula. But I am not leaving completely. I will either work part time or be volunteering at the Pov in years to come.

Then there is the part of JVC other than the "trappings." The values. And these I won't miss, because I won't be leaving them behind. I will still value community, simplicity, spirituality, and social justice.

So as the year slips back down to the long winter, I slip closer and closer to the end of my two years. But I guess there isn't much to "miss" as I leave JVC. (my housemates of course! but even one of my housemates is staying, so that's one less thing to miss!) My life will be drastically different leaving community and entering marriage, but will be quite similar too. Of course, the major constant will be that this year, last year, and next year, I will try to be loving tenderly, acting justly, and walking humbly with my God. Micah 4:6

Cycling for Change

2010-06-17T15:06:00.001-07:00

Today, a group of bicyclists from Cycling for Change came by the Poverello. It is a group of about 15 cyclists led by a Jesuit priest, Fr. Ruhl, who are biking across the country to raise awareness about poverty in the United States. The ride, which covers 5000 miles in 100 days, is an initiative of Catholic Charities of Kansas City.

Two members of the group were former Jesuit Volunteers. It was great to talk to them and hear about their ride thus far. Check out their website; it's a pretty awesome project.

Solidarity, baby.

2010-06-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

You arrive at the front door soaking wet, I arrive soaking wet. You arrive cold, I arrive cold, fingertips red and burning.

Granted, I am only wet and cold from biking to work and not from sleeping outside, but that's solidarity for you.

At least that's what I told myself when I arrived to work sopping wet. It poured this morning as I was biking to work. It drizzled before I left, drizzled after, but poured while I was biking.

Ah, to be a JV.

At least the shelter has free clothes so I went and snagged myself a high quality pair of mom jeans circa 1985. The waist comes roughly up to my arm pits and the legs end somewhere right above my shoes. But at least they are dry.

Retreat, round 8

2010-06-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Including orientation, I just finished my 8th JVC retreat of my time as a Jesuit Volunteer. At first, just getting back from vacation, I thought retreat would be a little wasted on me since I had just had rested up. But the 3 days I worked that week proved to be plenty enough to send me running for the hills. It rained all week so we were quite busy, we had two cases of domestic violence between clients, and another death (which I mentioned earlier). And a fight involving knives. So I was definitely ready to retreat.

We headed to a town near Big Sky, MT which is close to West Yellowstone. It was wonderful to see all of the volunteers from Montana, Eastern Washington, and Idaho, about 40 in all. This year I have gotten much closer to the volunteers from other communities than I did last year, which has been a blessing. It helps me to remember that this is bigger than just my community, just my job. We watched a short video based on the bestseller, My Life with the Saints, which also reminded me this is bigger than JVC.

The most influential part of the weekend, for me, was reading Thomas Merton's Letter to a Young Activist. We just received a copy at the end of the weekend, but I think it is an incredibly powerful letter.

The weekend focused on spirituality and created a lot of time for reflection. Two of the communities, Omak and Hays, have finished their JVC term since they work in schools. It was a little difficult to pair the closure they were going through with trying to renew the energy of those who still have a month or two left.

In addition to the Ignatian Spirituality, there were also campfires, s'mores, and many games of Mafia. I still can't believe how many times the Mafia won...

A little R&R

2010-06-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

I think one of the hardest things about adjusting to JVC was going from the college student lifestyle of 4 months of vacation a year to 10 days. Which would've been the case with any job,but nevertheless was a transition.

This past week I took 4 of my vacation days and went home to Virginia. I flew in as the sun was setting, and the pink light illuminated the tall cumulus nimbus. It occurred to me how few people ever get to see this view, the world above the clouds. When I landed at 8:30, the sun had already set and it was dark out. I realized that I had gotten used to the Montanan sun's habit of not setting till almost 10. Oh, this psuedo-Alaskan state.

(I pause here to complain about my work computer. It's so old that the mousepad keeps screwing up and I can barely type a sentence without it highlighting and deleting the last phrase I typed. GAH!)

On Sunday, it was my grandmother's birthday and we celebrated with brunch. After that was a bike ride and I realized that I really need to do a little more pointed training for this ride in July.

The rest of the week was lounging in my parent's hot tub, sitting on the back porch, going on bike rides. And of course...wedding planning. Met with the photographer, florist, baker, hairstylist. Plus got a few other to-dos done.

Then it was off to Baltimore for a cousin's wedding and to see the family. The little ones are growing up, as most everyone tends to do. It was fun to see my parents' old stomping grounds, and to eat some good seafood. Montana's not known for its crabcakes. But the one I had in Baltimore was quite wonderful.

The week went by quickly and then it was back to the wild blue!

We have this hope

2010-06-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

March, April, and May have proved to be rough months for the Salcido. We have lost 4 clients over the past few months, and are also reaching some financial trouble. See here.

I won't write about the how we lost the four clients, not because some involve open police investigations, but also out of respect for the privacy any family would desire. That, and death is a difficult thing to write about.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Hebrews 6:19

Times like these, it's good to remain anchored in hope. It can be, however, to figure out out for what we should be hoping.

World peace?

An end to hunger, homelessness?

That it'll ever get above 65 in Missoula?

I'm not sure. Suggestions, anyone?

Bitter

2010-05-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

I remember once, as a kid, asking my dad why he drank coffee every day since, obviously, it was "gross."

He replied, "it takes a while to realize that not every beverage you drink has to be sweet."

I thought about this for a bit. Milk isn't really sweet. Water isn't either. And juice...well, yeah, that is. And coke...yeah that definitely is. Okay, I guess Dad has a point. But why would you want to drink something bitter anyway?

In college I learned how to choke down the stuff, with plenty of milk, sugar, blending, whipped cream and caramel topping. By senior year, I had learned to take my coffee with only cream, but it wasn't until last year that I joined the adult world with the routine of the daily cup of joe. Working with children at the day care brought me many joys, one of which being the joy of caffeine. Most Friday mornings, in the months that I biked, I would treat myself to getting up a little earlier and going out for some quiet time and a cup of drip at a nearby coffee shop.

I think of coffee when I think of my response to the question, "how has your JVC experience been?" For some reason, I think people often expect the answer to be along the lines of "wonderful, perfect, awesome, so glad I did it, enjoyed every minute, everyone should do it." Usually I mutter something along the lines, "good, but tough. Worthwhile, but I'll be ready for the next phase of my life." Which leaves me wondering why I haven't been more enthusiastic. Or why when I talk to former JVs they don't go into the dreamy haze of reminiscing the "best days of their life" like people do remembering their college years. Here I am, doing a second year, marrying a former JV, convinced my time with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps has been exactly what I should do. Why aren't my responses "wonderful-perfect-awesome?"

I think I have learned to enjoy these years in the same why I enjoy my coffee. It's not sweet, and that's okay. I can appreciate the fragrant yet earthy aroma as I sip my morning cup. I appreciate the bitter contrast that it provides to a donut or cinnamon roll.

In the same way, I am glad that my years have not been completely sweet, but have provided me with a chance to face the difficult. To confront the bitter. And not only to tolerate life's less-than-sweet moments, but thoroughly be grateful for them.

I blame my mother.

2010-05-08T23:35:00.001-07:00

I know its one of those things you aren't supposed to say, but its true. I do. Because of her, I am 23 years old and cannot...

make Kraft mac n cheese worth to save my life.

I also cannot make a grilled cheese sandwich.

Unfortunately, because of her, many of the quintessential JV meals I utterly fail at. And yes, it is possible to mess these up. My mac n cheese is always too watery and I consistently burn my grilled cheese.

I jest. I realize I am lucky that I grew up eating real meals and have learned (somewhat) how to cook. I still haven't made it to my mom's level yet, but I'm getting there slowly.

It's amazing how many barriers there are between low-income or homeless people getting healthy meals. Things which don't expire, are portable, and hearty don't tend to be healthy. Things which are healthy, like fresh fruits and vegetables, require places to cook and a little know-how.

There are many ways to respond to this issue. When we donate food to food banks, we could choose items that are at least healthy versions of non-perishables. We could support local farms to insure that things like fresh fruits and vegetables will still be around. We can support health care reforms which include preventative care so more people can learn about proper nutrition.

But for me, its cooking. Cooking is what teaches me to make choices about what I do and don't put in my body. Chopping each carrot and slicing each rhubarb stalk reminds me of the abundance of the earth. Stirring a pot of soup soothes me after a long day at work. And it reminds me to be grateful. Grateful that I have food on my plate. And grateful to have a mother that taught me how to cook.

So Mom, happy Mother's Day!

I have a new friend

2010-05-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

This guy:

On a walk last night, Jen and I stumbled upon this darling terrier wandering the streets of Missoula. We could see it had a number on the dog tag, but it was too dark to read it so we thought "we'll just bring it home, call, its probably one of our neighbors."

Apparently, the number was just to Missoula Animal Control, and not the owners. So we would have a new pet until the shelter was open to call them. [If you are my landlords, we have no intention of keeping her! She slept in the garage last night and I've called the real owners]

But in the mean time...

The girls named it "JV." I think just because its fun to say "good JV. or "Bad JV." And even though we are JVs, and on meager budgets, we have absolutely no dog food in this house. Any ideas on what human food to feed a dog appreciated.

Bike to Work Week

2010-04-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

Oh this wonderful time of year. I love Bike to Work Week. And not because of helping the environment, or being healthier, or any of those reasons. No. Because of the free coffee.

Various places around town are giving away free coffee one day this week to encourage people to bike to work. It's like getting paid to do something you would be doing anyway. Granted, I didn't get back on my bike until last week, in part because I knew BTW was coming up. In my defense, this is the forecast for the week:

Sunday: High 51

Monday: High 62

Tuesday: High 63

Wednesday: High 46

Thursday: High 39

Friday: High 45

Saturday: High 49

Lows in the 20s and 30s, chance of snow and rain Tuesday-Saturday.

Anyhow, I am enjoying my free bagel and coffee from Bagels on Broadway. And figuring, if spring never comes, summer eventually will.

P.S. Yes, that is Spokane's BTW logo, but its better looking that Missoula's.

2010-04-27T18:04:00.001-07:00

Yesterearth Day

2010-04-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

So I wanted to write about how we spent our Earth Day, because we did our first no-energy night! "No Energy" or "Energy Fast" nights are activities that are oft part of the JVC experience, where all lights are turned off, computers and Ipods are put away, the oven isn't used, and depending on the bravery of the community, the heat is turned waaaay down. Ashland, a community in MT did a energy fast weekend back in the winter, and I know a house in Seattle last year did no-energy days once a week. Last year, our house did them a few times, but we ended up debating so much about what the "point" was, we stopped.

For me the point is not save on energy costs or to live in solidarity with anyone. (I don't know many people besides JVs who just turn off their lights for the hell of it). The point is to slow down. It does also help me realize how many times a day I use energy. I enjoy the quiet of having the TV off, the softness of the candles. It's relaxing and energizing at the same time.

Last night, I got home and Jen and I made peanut butter and banana sandwiches, left over quinoa, and cucumbers. The Pov had several overripe bananas and they were perfect. Then, since Karen and Bree were out, we went on a long walk to the university. It was a pretty overcast day, but luckily it didn't rain.

Then we came home, knit for a bit while it was still light out, and after the sun set, we pulled out every candle we had (which ended up being plenty of votive candles we had taken from a retreat!) and sat down to play dominoes. Which lasted about .5 seconds when we realized we had an incomplete set. So we played Apples to Apples instead. It's a game where one person lays down a card with an adjective on it, and everyone else picks one of their 7 cards which have nouns on them to go with it. My favorite combination of the night:

Adjective: Fantastic

Noun: Electricity

Good point. I was very happy to turn on the light this morning as I got ready!

Grateful

2010-04-22T07:28:00.001-07:00

Happy Earth Day! I'll write more tomorrow about how we, as JVs, are spending our earth day, but today I wanted to steal an idea from myyearwithoutspending.blogspot.com and write about for what I am grateful.

I am grateful that it smelled like spring this morning. Everything was s lightly wet, slightly green, and slightly overcast. The smell actually reminded me of camping in national parks in the summer.

I am grateful that in the past 23 years, not once have I ever missed a meal from a lack of access to money or food. Considering the number of people in the world suffering from hunger, this is nothing short of miraculous.

I am grateful for my family, which I was reminded of this weekend.

I am grateful that I got the chance to witness a conversation about race this afternoon at the shelter between a Samoan man, a native man, and a white man, just while eating lunch.

I am grateful that the trees are finally budding and flowers are beginning to appear.

I am grateful that I have found someone I with whom I will share a life.

Death

2010-04-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

One of our clients was murdered in an alley on Monday night. Here is the Missoulian story on it: http://www.missoulian.com/news/local/article_3b658d00-47ea-11df-8428-001cc4c03286.html.

Wind

2010-04-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

His hands shook as freely and unpredictably as the flame of the candle he held so precariously. He spoke slowly, waiting patiently for the words to reappear as they disappeared in the flickering light. The children were amazed by the dancing light in the bowl which sat on the table beside him. My heart leaped up into my throat every time they decided to see whose fingers were brave enough to get close. As the tiny ones leaned on the table, the alcohol sloshed to one side of the bowl and the flames would leap up higher, and eyes would open wider.

This would a far cry from the Easter Vigils of my youth. A nicely lit wood-burning fire would be lit outside in a well-contained pit. But this year, I was in a room another world away. This year, in a small gym, crowded around a table precariously balancing the previously mentioned lit bowl of fire, in the community of Hays, a town of 400 in the Fort Belknap reservation.

The procession thankfully began, and those gathered processed one-half of the way around the gym. Although it was only 6pm, the room was pitch black. Blankets hung on the walls, blocking the light. I found this mildly ironic that we were trying to make night come early, especially after the long cold Montanan winters. But I imagined several of the parishioners had long drives home.

The priest, an 82 year old Jesuit, sang on, continuing to struggle in the unreliable candlelight. He must be used to persevering, living on land like this, I mused, and the fidgeting of the crowd definitely didn't phase him. He finished his prayer, and the lights came on.

"Okay, time for the baptisms!" he yelled.

"JOSEPH!" A nun, quite obviously from New York, yelled. "You forgot the Liturgy of the Word!"

Thus began the liturgy of the world. Children ran wild, mothers pursued. Members of the congregation read, in that quick, flat reservation accent accentuated by nerves and punctuated by cries of children. A college student on an alternative spring break trip sang a responsorial psalm. She was one of about a dozen students from Michigan, who looked utterly bored (or exhausted) throughout the mass. Also in attendance, and the reason I was there, were the all of the Jesuit Volunteers in Montana.

And then (as the priest predicted it eventually would be) was time for the baptisms. About a half dozen children were preparing to make their sacraments this night. It was easy to pick them out in the crowd. The girls' hair was perfectly coiffed, even though the curls would soon melt in the baptism pool. The boys stood tall, although they could not resist nudging their younger brothers mischievously.

The room was filled with the smell of sweetgrass and sage, as the herbs for the smudging were burnt. Once again, I was reminded of my Easter Vigils where the smell of incense hung heavy in the air. An elder, holding the bowl of smoking herbs, circled the bowl around the children - to the north, south, east, and west. The ceremony of smoke and fire, and the ceremony of water.

This was not a solemn, reverent occasion, although I fear I am making it sound that way. Mothers, Fathers, Godmothers, Godfathers crowded around the hot tub (ahem, baptism pool). Cameras flashed, and girls ran to change into their communion dresses. At one point, I stood up.

"Are we supposed to be standing?" Bree asked.

"I don't think there are any 'supposed to's' in this mass." I replied.

I snuck out in the midst of the baptism to run over to the JV house, a mere 50 feet from the church, to use their bathroom. The legendary winds of the plains whipped my long skirt and drew it out into the wind. The sun was setting over the...

I have no words for it. They have all been used.

The wide, open plains.

The vast expanse.

The house of sky.

It felt as if I was standing on the entire world.

Tomato Soup Cake

2010-03-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

This morning we had an unexpected visitor in Missoula - snow. What a relief, I was getting worried spring might actually appear!

Actually, it wasn't bad, only a dusting. Really it was quite a lucky walk. Cool, very cool, and quite crisp. My delicious cup of coffee, complete with cream and always a treat, didn't stay hot very long, since I had poured it into a tea cup rather than an actual travel mug. The clouds were yellow and pink with sunrise, and despite the below freezing temperature, reminded me that Easter was only a few days away.

The trees on the mountain, a deep blue green, stuck out against the white mountainside. The contrast reminded me of toile, which of course took me back to Williamsburg. The wild mountains of Montana made me feel slightly at home, as if I was walking in a different version of the manicured streets of colonial Virginia.

On a different note, this weekend we will be travelling to Hays, MT, a JV community on a reservation, about 9 hrs away for Easter. And thus, we will have to rent a car. Which costs a pretty penny. In order to save up some money for this, we decided not to buy groceries this week. We've suggested doing this before, for different reasons. One, to use up food that is in the pantry/freezer (we are pretty well stocked in those areas) and two, as sort of a fast since this week is Holy Week.

Unfortunately, we are out of some things, such as milk and eggs. There are thousands of vegans who can do without these two essentials, so I figured we could too. Earlier this week, I had been looking at a recipe for jam cake. I love jam cake. I haven't had it in years, when a family friend would make it. (Mom, do you remember how much I liked Mae's jam cake?) Unfortunately that called for 3 eggs. Right next to that recipe in my Joy of Cooking, I saw a recipe for "tomato soup cake." It's a spice cake that uses tomato soup instead of eggs and milk. (It did use butter). It really wasn't bad. None of my roommates guessed that tomato soup, which was actually tomato paste plus water since we were out of tomato soup as well, was the secret ingredient. I think if I had put in cloves and raisins like it called for (out of those too) and remembered to put in the walnuts, you would have never been able to guess the difference.

I really want to make jam cake to take to Hays for Easter. I think I'll be able to scrounge up a couple of eggs by then!

Laugh or You'll Cry

2010-03-28T13:39:00.001-07:00

"One of those you have to laugh or you'll cry times". That's how my area director in Spokane would describe some of the stories I would tell her about my job. And it's one of the best ways to describe my days. Sometimes I go home to tell my roommates what I think is a funny a story from the day, and they respond, "aww, how sad." But if you focus on what as sad, especially at a drop-in center like the Salcido, you'll get too bogged down.

So here's some of my more light-hearted moments:

The clients picked "Cats" (yes, as in the Broadway musical) to watch a few days ago. The next hour went like this:

"Who the hell put this in?"
"Not me. It's stupid."

"Oh yeah right. I bet you like it."
"I don't like it. He likes it. He's the one that likes it."
"NO! I don't like it either."

Yet they kept watching....

Or after I got engaged. Here are a few of the client reactions I logged (names changed, of course)

* Bill: “Aren’t you a little young to be working on your first ex-husband?”

* Adam: “Do you think I’m too old for you to marry me?

“Well Adam, I’m already taken.”

“That don’t mean nothin. If you marry me, after four years you can get my retirement.”

* Jessie: “Do you need a band to play at the wedding? My band will come play.”

* Jessie two minutes later: “Can I come to the wedding?”

* Seth: “Congratulations by the way.”

* Jake: “Congratulations! That’s great!”

* Kyle: “So when’s the funeral?"

* Jeff: "I'm mad at you. I was going to ask you. But I didn't tell you how I felt cause I was on the streets, and now you done gone and met someone else!"

* Al: "Why don't you guys just move all the chairs out of the way and have the wedding down here?"

Or the time I tried to help a client set up an e-mail account who was a little on the paranoid side. The computer kept "lying" to him every time the e-mail address he wanted was taking. And you know those squiggly words they make you type in? He kept resetting them because he didn't "like" the word they gave him.

Or the time I was asking an intoxicated man to leave and he kept saying "No. You don't even know my name" as his friend was saying "T.J. you need to leave!"

Usually you just have to laugh.

Spring is coming...

2010-03-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't know which is harder to wait for, spring or Christmas. Today, it is sunny, in the 50s, and beautiful outside. I am at work, in the basement, with a light that keeps shorting out. Lovely. Tomorrow - same forecast, tomorrow - I'm working. Monday and Tuesday - rain, and my days off! Alas.

Usually I'm not a fan of early spring. The weather is unpredictable and frustrating. But it has been beautiful in Missoula. The town is surrounded by mountains, and they give incredible reflections of the weather. Yesterday for instance, there were low clouds over the eastern mountains, sun shining on the northern ones, rain in the west. In the evening, the low sun will shine on the mountains, framed by dark clouds, and remind me that this is Montana. This wild, unpredictable, welcoming and intimidating place.

This week I'm working over the weekend so that next weekend our house can go to Hays for Easter. I forgot tomorrow was Palm Sunday, so I guess I will try to run over to mass after work. (I usually get done around 6:15-6:30, and mass starts at 6, but its only 2 blocks away). Palm Sunday is my favorite mass. And it usually means spring is inevitable.

Reality check

2010-03-25T08:35:00.001-07:00

So I have a fair amount of downtime at work, which involves a lot piddling around on the computer. Which...recently...has ended up on a lot of wedding websites. It seems like there is an endless number of things which I am supposed to decide between...what kind of shoes to wear (high heel, low heel, flat, peep toe, sandal, pump). How to do my hair (up, down, chignon, braided, curled).

But to be honest, it gets tough to care about having blue favors verses yellow favors when someone interrupts my idle day dreaming by telling me that they were beat up the night before. Or I have to call 911 because someone tried to kill their self. Or when I stop to realize that this will cost in a day more than I make in a year. Or many years of doing JVC.

Not to say I'm not having the typical wedding stress. But I do realize that at the end of the day, details are just details. Besides, most of it is taken care of: date, church, officiant, dress, bridesmaid dresses, photographer, florist. But no, we probably won't have a color scheme or memorable centerpieces. We're not going to try very hard to have "unique" invitations or the most unique cake topper. Its just not worth the effort.

But what I have learned that I want is friends, family, music (we do still need to take care of that one), and an an ice cold beer. And a husband. That'll be nice.

WOOO!

2010-03-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

Health care reform passed in the House! This is great news for my clients who might start receiving some health care. (There is a clinic that serves the homelesss...but what do you do once you get into housing? stop going?)

Something that is not so successful...me giving up meat. For transparency purposes:

I ate meat 3 days in a row last weekend. I had friends in town, what could I say? Then a few days later I had a turkey sandwich. I had had a cold, and I think it was from the lack of protein. At least that's what I'm telling myself. It sure tasted good though.

But I am back to being meat free. 2 more weeks till Easter!

Sunrise/Sunset

2010-03-16T09:58:00.001-07:00

Walking to work on a beautiful, sunny morning in downtown Missoula.

Quiet streets.

The sun rises behind these mountains.

Sunset over the Clark Fork River.

Sun setting on downtown Missoula.

Pink mountains.

Sunset over the mountains.

I took these pictures last week when it was my first walk to and from work in day light. I can't tell you how much it shortens my day to be arriving to work in the sun, and leaving in the sun. I feel like I have a life again! Every extra minute of sunlight feels like an additional blessing, an additional chance to enjoy the world. I love summer, and when it gets to this point in the year, late winter still, I am already dreaming of barbecues and long hikes in the mountains. So the chilly spring weather is a reminder for me to slow down, enjoy where I am, and relish the moment.

Community

2010-03-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

Two of my old housemates are in town, one just got engaged, and I spent an hour catching up with another on the phone a few nights back. And of course, one lives in Missoula! One of my current housemates is staying in Missoula next year.

So this week I've been thinking a lot about community. I've been very blessed in the relationships I have found and formed in the past few years.

Fish Fridays

2010-03-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

So I was debating about writing this or not, seeing as how when you fast, you shouldn't advertise that you're fasting. But I figured this was about letting people know what's going on in my life, and this is pertinent.

I gave up meat for lent. (minus fish...) For a couple reasons:

1. It's a traditional thing to give up. Usually Lent is a time of fasting, and I wanted to experience an actual "fast" where I was cutting out one major thing from my diet. Sure, I'm still eating full meals every meal but by not eating meat, it influences each of my meals, rather than times when I've give up chocolate and am only tempted when I see it.

2. "Environmental" reasons. I put environmental in quotation marks, because as it is, I rarely buy meat. Most of the meat I eat is from the Poverello, which means that its meat that would've gone to waste otherwise and thus my eating it doesn't really have an environmental impact. I do, however, always order meat when I'm eating out. I think that as a whole, the way I choose to eat is fairly ethical, so this isn't a huge departure from that.

3. Solidarity. This is probably the biggest one. Most of the world doesn't eat meat every day, but growing up, I definitely did. Or 3 times a day. The main reason I gave up meat was to remember 1) what a luxury it is, and 2) how much I enjoy it. (Trust me...I'm not going veg anytime soon!)

So how is it going?

1) Lots of pasta. Which is ironic, because I've cooked vegetarian most of my meals for the last 2 years. However, my roommates made chili last weekend and ended up eating the leftovers for the weekend, so I just ate pasta.

2) Really tough at the Pov. Most of the lunches there are meat based, so I end up eating potatoes/bread/salad. This is the part where its more the "fasting" part than the "solidarity" part. It's not enjoyable, I'll say that.

Health reasons aren't really a factor here. I think you can eat meat and be healthy, and eat vegetarian and eat unhealthily. But trust me - I can't wait for Easter!

Retreat Pictures!

2010-03-01T08:30:00.001-08:00

Here are pictures from our retreat 2 weeks ago:

Driving in Big Sky Country

Foggy Washington morning

Men anpil chay pa lou

2010-02-24T13:48:00.000-08:00

Many hands make the load light. - Haitian proverb

The other day at work, one of our clients (who happened to be hungover) stumbled over to the coffee pot and grumbled,

"Wow. Someone else besides me made coffee. I'm the only one who ever makes coffee."

He's not. Usually he's just the only one who wants a pot of coffee at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

But it made me think about how often I grumble about being the "only one who ever..." It's especially tempting in community. If you were living by yourself, of course you would be the only one who ever cleaned the oven, took out the trash, made dinner. In community, you share the burden. But for some reason, instead of being appreciative about having people to share the burden with, it becomes easier to notice when someone isn't carrying their load. And to begin to pat yourself on the back and remind yourself about how you are the "only one who ever..." For some reason, its harder to notice that you are the "only one who never..."

For instance, I love to cook. I hate doing dishes. I know this. I shirk dish duty more than I should. And I know that if I lived alone, I would just suck it up and do my own dishes. Community is a blessing and a temptation. The blessing of sharing the load, the temptation to shift your share onto someone else.

I wish I could say that I've gotten better at this, but I don't think I have. Maybe I step up a little more often, but I still get pouty when I think I'm working harder. Maybe that's what they should tell us during orientation:

"Yes, you will be, without a doubt, the person who does the most work in your house. You will be the only one who does the dishes, the only one who never leaves their dishes. You will never be loud at night, and your job will probably be the hardest. Good for you, now get over yourself."

Disclaimer: All my housemates are great, and I think we do a really good job with our chores. (Overall, anyway). I'm just saying this is something I know I've been tempted by often!

Retreat

2010-02-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

I have been putting off writing this cause I was gonna upload pictures. Still haven't, so I guess that'll come later.

This weekend we had our Social Justice retreat at Waitts Lake Camp in Washington, north of Spokane. It was facilitated by a couple, Carol and Vicki, who work/teach at Portland State University. The community from Hays stayed the night with us the night before, but left early the next morning. We left around mid-day, just as the gray skies were starting to clear in Missoula. It's been dark and dreary here for about the past week, so we were pretty bummed that we missed seeing blue here for once.

It was only a five hour drive, but we took our time to get there. First we stopped at St. Regis, a travel center that features a real-live-free trout aquarium! It really doesn't get any better than that. I, personally, love St. Regis. It has the most ridiculous, giant collection of moose-themed, cowboy-themed, fly-fishing-themed kitsch collection. Wonderful.

Next we stopped at Cataldo, a Jesuit mission church in Idaho. (Picture, upper right, not my own). It's a beautiful church built back in the 1800s. The contrast between the Jesuit cathedral and the mountains which had long been the cathedral of the Coeur d'Alene can't be ignored. It's good to remember the history of the Jesuits in the Northwest, many wonderful things, and many things that were done inappropriately and insensitively. I hope (and think) it's improving though.

Last we stopped in Spokane at my old house. It was good to see it again, and to show my housemates where I used to live. We had forgotten about the time difference and had time to spare.

The retreat itself was wonderful and relaxing. We did an exercise on the stations of the cross, and had the opportunity to reflect on the individual stations with a few people from different areas, and talk about how our work and community life were related. All in all, it was a great chance to get away, refocus, and see other JVs.

Day in the Life of a JV, Tuesday

2010-02-11T07:49:00.000-08:00

My housemates might hate me for this, but I love having Tuesdays off. It's like a little extra gift, Monday night, thinking "Oh yeah...I don't have to go to work tomorrow!" It's as if I have a snow day once a week. Of course, I'm not as grateful on Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

But this Tuesday was a particularly good Tuesday, if I say so myself.

9:00 Slept in and bummed around. Enjoyed a cup of tea.

10:00 Had some quiet time. I've been reading the book of Tobit because it kept turning up in the marriage prep materials. Good story.

11:00 Got ready, ran to catch the bus.

12:00 Met Bridget, our support person, for lunch at the Catalyst. It was pretty good.

1:00 Caught the bus to good will.

1:30 Found: a new shirt from Target ($4.00), a flannel shirt half off ($2.00), a box of Pirates of the Caribbean valentines with tattoos!

3:00 John came over so that we could take pictures for our "Save the Date" cards.

4:00 Realized we'd need someone else to take the pictures. Went to bug Jen at work.

6:00 Back home, heated up a big old plate of leftovers.

7:00 The Biggest Loser! I don't know why we watch this show, but we do.

7:30 Decided to make cinnamon raisin bread. Misread the directions and didn't see there were 3 separate risings, so I didn't realize how late I'd be up!

8-11: Hung out with housemates, baked, etc.

11:30 Woke Karen up with the smell of cinnamon raisin bread. I thought it was the smoke that woke her up, since the cinnamon filling spilled over onto my oven and burnt. But it was good, and well worth it. Our oven needs cleaned anyway. One day...

A Day in the Life of a JV, Monday

2010-02-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of the Clark Fork River at night.

Since I work 4 days a week, I usually have my weekend Sunday-Tuesday. It's a bit odd, and not my favorite having my "Monday" be on Wednesday!

Yesterday, I slept in. I wasn't feeling too great, so my morning/early afternoon mainly comprised of lots of tea and rest.

I worked on some crafty projects for a bit, read for a bit (Kavalier and Klay), then I remembered I still hadn't cleaned the bathroom and it was my turn.

So:

4:00 Cleaned bathroom. With baking soda and some all natural cleaners we have.

5:00 Laundry. 9 times out of 10 I line dry my clothes outside or in the basement, but since I wasn't feeling great, I went with the dryer.

6:30 Began cooking dinner. We had "Three sister's at the four corners" stew from my Moosewood cookbook. The three sisters are squash, corn and beans. The recipe called for butternut squash, but we only had winter squash leftover from the food bank. It wasn't bad.

8:15 Ate dinner. One of my housemates was running a little late.

9:00 Sat down for spirituality night. We read an excerpt from 1 John chapter 3 and also an essay entitled "Every Day Should be Earth Day," by Ann Lovejoy. The theme of both was loving through your words and actions. We discussed Gandhi's quote "Be the change you want to see in the world" and what that actually meant for us.

10:00 Hung out, watched more Law and Order, and went to bed!

A Day in the Life of a JV, Weekend Edition

2010-02-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

Saturday:

Worked. Work work work work. Saturdays tend to be fairly long and boring days at the Salcido.

6:00 Meet my housemates at the Break, a coffee shop. We used to be able to pick up an internet signal at the house, but that is no longer the case, so we must go to coffee shop for internet.

7:00 Go to Five Guys, Burgers, and Fries for a community dinner. Delicious. Unfortunately, one of my clients was there, passed out in front of the bathrooms. (The place is right next door to a hotel that many homeless people stay at). They had to call the cops on him.

9:00 Law and Order is on. One of my housemates is obsessed with it and its becoming part of our routine.

Sunday:

10:00 Mass with John at St. Francis Xavier, a Jesuit church in Missoula that's about a block from the Salcido. It's a beautiful church, but I'm not sure its where I'll continue to go. I did want to go to a Jesuit church while I am a JV this year, since I didn't last year.

11:00 Heartbreaking miscommunication. Usually I start salivating for the donuts after communion, but my housemates and I had planned to make pancakes after mass, so I skipped. What I didn't realize is that they were all going to 11am masses elsewhere instead of 10am. So when I got home at 11:30, there was no one around and I had to leave at 12:30. Sad....no donuts, pancakes, or community mates. I did have a creative brunch though: cheesecake leftover from Friday's dinner, half a grapefruit from John's mom, and shrimp scampi leftover from Friday. I'm realize this probably isn't the best week to showcase what being a JV is like seeing as how it's been a fairly un-simple week so far!

1:00 John and I met with the church's marriage counselor. There are many forms to fill out to get married in the Catholic church!

4:00 Meet at Dan and Erin's (Erin is a Former JV and Dan is John's uncle) to go to a super bowl party at their friend's house. Dan and Erin gave us tickets to see Wilco, so this was the pre-party.

7:00 See Wilco!

11:30 Leave Wilco very, very dehydrated and exhausted, but happy. It's nice having FJVs who support you.

A day in the life of a Jesuit Volunteer, part 2

2010-02-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 5th

Wake up, go to work, all that jazz.

8:00 Someone decides they are interested in their GED so I give them the first part of the pre-test. Usually that's a pretty intimidating step for most people. He remembered he had a doctor appointment after the first part so he left. I kinda think there might not have been a doctor's appointment...a few months ago we got through the first part of the pre test then he disappeared for a few months.

10:00 Another volunteer comes in. I'm never that sure about what to get volunteers to do, so I just introduced her to a few clients and let them chat.

12:00 Its very quiet.

1:00 Out of there! I only work in the mornings on Fridays. Go over to John's to eat leftover Chinese food for lunch. And...most exciting news of the day, Father Fitts, a retired Jesuit priest in Spokane, WA returns John's call and agrees to do our wedding! Fr. Fitts always goes to the JV orientations, would stop by and visit our house in Spokane last year, and worked at House of Charity (John's placement). So now our date is official. We're super excited to have someone who means so much to us and has been such a part of JVC.

2:30 Go to Big Sky brewery. They have free tastings at the brewery, which is one of Missoula's 3 local microbreweries. This is an exercise in simplicity for several reasons. 1) Free beer. 2) Local brews don't tend to support the drinking-in-excess/subjugation of women as other companies do, 3) You can fill up a growler of beer instead of buying bottles which results in less waste. Glass isn't recyclable in Montana.

4:00 Go home and start baking some bread for dinner tonight. Karen invited some of her coworkers over. One of them goes duck hunting and offered to give us some duck if she cooked! 7:00 Company comes. We had a huge feast. Community doesn't just involve the people in the house, but it extends to the larger community. Its great remembering that, especially when things get tough inside the house.

9:00 Dinner's over. Dishes and bed!

A day in the life of a Jesuit Volunteer

2010-02-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I'd do a couple days of describing what its like to actually live day to day as a JV, and how we try to incorporate values of community, simplicity, spirituality, and social justice. Its fun to me to reflect on how those values influence my day to day decisions, and how some decisions I decide to choose another path. Hopefully it's not too boring.

Thursday, Feb 4th.

6:45 AM Alarm goes off

6:45:30 Hit the snooze

6:50 Reluctantly get out of bed. We keep our house around 64, which unfortunately means its about 58 in the basement where my room is. Making it very, very difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning. My bed is plenty warm...once I put 5 blankets on it, sleep in flannel pants, a sweatshirt and a sweater. I've actually heard you sleep better when its cold.

6:52 Get dressed. JV style - my pants are from a thrift store and my shirt is a hand me down.

7:15 It's super snowy out. Catch a ride to work with one of my housemates. This is questionably simple. Yes, it means my commute for work has no additional impact on the environment. Taking the bus is much more an exercise in solidarity.

7:25 Arrive at work

7:30 - 9 Do all the set up, making coffee, etc.

8:00 My turn for coffee. We have terrible coffee. I think people don't rinse out the coffee pot before they pour water back in, so we're making coffee with burnt coffee. Delicious.

8:30 A nurse from Public Health shows up. She is looking for one of our clients. "It's not contagious, though, don't worry." Her card says she's a specialist in infectious disease. Not suspicious at all.

8:45 A lady from St. Patrick's hospital comes once a month to do mental health outreach. Usually several people talk to her, but not that many today.

9:00 Put in a movie. We show a movie every morning around this time, and its usually something pretty bad. Today it was The Game.

10:00 Two clients are starting to yell at each other. One begins to take off his jacket and say, "let's take this outside!" I ask him to leave on account of making threats. He backed down immediately, but still had to leave. A few minutes later both of the clients come back in saying they had worked it out and it was a misunderstanding. While it was encouraging to see them resolve it, I explained we still had to create an atmosphere of safety for everyone and needed to uphold the no violence rule.

10:45 A volunteer from UM comes in.

11:30 Things slow down...I look at bridesmaid dresses on the computer.

1:30 Go on my lunch break. It usually consists of 20 minutes eating lunch at the Poverello, 20 minutes of going for a walk or running errands and 15 minutes of quiet time. For that I'll go down by the river, or into St. Francis for a chance to reflect on the morning and geared up for the afternoon. Lunch at the Pov wasn't the best. Pot roast, lukewarm chicken noodle soup, and gravy and rice. Usually there is salad but it was already gone today.

3:00 Things get quiet in the afternoon usually. I work on the crossword. And eat stale brownies that grocery stores donate.

3:30 One of our clients chucks a pop bottle at her friend. I ask her to leave. Her friend says its okay, that she doesn't have to go. I say its not his decision. She opens the pop bottle, which spews all over our floor. I ask her to clean it up and she refuses, so I ask her to leave for a week. I hate when things go like that.

4:00 Help a client fill out a housing application. He'll get denied as he has no source of income. His SSI was cancelled. I try to tell him this politely but he still wants to go ahead with the application.

4:15 Tried to decide if I should go home for dinner or not. Usually we eat together about 4 nights a week. The last couple weeks have been hectic for all of us, plus we have a fridge full of left overs, so we've been taking things easy this week and just eating leftovers whenever anyone is home. One of my housemates is out of town, another has choir practice, so I text and say I'm gonna miss out on dinner tonight.

4:45 Try and convince people last minute to fill out our Montana Housing Status surveys. It's the last day for them. The purpose is to give a point in time picture of homelessness in Montana. The weird thing is they define homelessness is staying at a shelter/transitional housing or a motel on a voucher or outside. Usually it includes people staying with friends or family, and staying at a motel.

5:00 Put the news on.

5:45 One of our clients comes in who is a former medic. He asks to speak to me in private so he doesn't "alarm the men. One of the brothers is outside. He got beat up by the cops. He's bleeding everywhere." I rush upstairs, phone in hand ready to dial 911. It looks like he had fallen and his glasses had cut his nose. Another former army medic decides to help. (To paint this picture, the former is drunk, the latter is high.) I think there "help" gave them more of a sense of purpose than they've had in a long time though. I convince the guy to come inside to wash up, but he's too drunk to make it to the bathroom. So then he's sitting on a chair well past closing and we have to threaten calling the cops to get him to leave. I probably shouldn't have gotten him to come inside.

6:45 Finish cleaning. Busy day! Walk over to John's.

7:15 John has an Alaskan Amber in the fridge for me. That's why I love him. Their winter beer is my favorite beer in the world. Usually John and I or my housemates will watch Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock on Thursday nights. At John's, I had gotten used to his DVR recording, so we didn't turn it on right away. We had forgotten to record it though! Oops. We watched the dog whisperer instead. Oh, and 19 Kids and Counting. (Well, I watched that. John grumbled...he got sucked in though.)

8:45 Decide to order Chinese. It's Missoula though, so virtually every place closes at 9. This is not simple living, really. However, I owe John $50 for my grad school application, so I pay. $25! That's more than a week's worth of my stipend. He says we're even though.

Good days

2010-01-29T09:58:00.001-08:00

This week is Homelessness Awareness week, and yesterday was the day of Project Homeless Connect. Several organizations came together to put on a one day event which provided people with sort of a one stop shop for many services. Haircuts (by far the most popular!), clothes, food, legal services, child services, bike repair, etc. At the Salcido, we conducted surveys all day to get a point in time picture of homelessness in Missoula.

My favorite part of the day was one fellow of ours finally got into housing. After months on the housing voucher waiting list, Missoula Housing Authority had found and apartment for him. The lease was signed, his electricity was turned on, but before they would give him the keys to the apartment, he had to pay $41 for renter's insurance. I'm not sure if he is on any supplemental insurance, but even if that was the case, pay day would be a week away. He came to us asking if we could help him with the money, but we have no funds for that. We sent him to the Poverello, who sent him to the case worker at Partnership Health Center, who was out of town. So they sent him to Project Homeless Connect. To make a long story short, he ended up running into the mayor who simply offered to pay the $41!

I can't tell you how excited he was. He was practically jumping up and down. Unfortunately, this was finalized at 4:45 yesterday and he didn't have time to get to the rental office to pay and get into his apartment that night. Today, reality was sinking in a little more. Ironically, although he has renter's insurance, he owns nothing to insure. Not a bed, not a chair, not even a roll of toilet paper.

It's a long road from homeless to self sufficient, and there are many steps along the way.

Curious

2010-01-23T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm just curious...I know there is a link to my blog on the jvcnorthwest.org website. I was wondering if anyone is reading this who is considering joining JVC, or interested in JVC Northwest. Let me know! I'd love to answer any questions you might have.

Jesus

2010-01-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

So one of the major philosophies of service is treat everyone as you would treat Christ. "Whatsoever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."

That's very nice, but Jesus doesn't get drunk too often and piss in your coffee pot.

Just saying.

It's not hard to picture people to be Christ when you are handing them a pair of gloves, or helping them fill out a job application. It's harder to picture that when they are cussing in your face. Or about to hit someone. Or polishing off a bottle of vodka in front of you, and then becoming incontinent on your couch.

Haiti

2010-01-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

Good news followed by very sad news. As many of you know, Haiti is very dear to my heart after going there several times when I was in college. The Catholic Campus Ministry at William and Mary is twinned with College de Monsingor Decoste in Thomonde, Haiti.

I miss Haiti sometimes. The warm sunshine, the way the wind blows and dirt and dust find their way into every crevice of your body. Occasionally I will catch a whiff of charcoal which reminds me of women squatting beside the meals they were attempting to sell on the streets. The smell of urine, too, will occasionally catch my nose in such a way that I can only picture the crowded streets of Port au Prince.

The devastation of the earthquake is very sad, and very real, and I wonder if the extent of the damage could have been prevented. This was a country where clean water was already a precious resource, where this is not the first time there will be riots over food shortages. U.S. troops are arriving to a logistical nightmare, one that has been centuries in the making.

In a way, we don't mind poverty. We accept it as a reality of life. Certain countries, like Haiti, will always be poor. After all, Jesus reminded us that the poor we will always have with us. We forget that there are people and countries who need dramatic aid, immediate action, and constant prayers now. We forget the urgency of poverty.

We lose sight of what it means to be radical. And by radical, I mean follow a God who would as soon eat with "sinners and tax collectors" as the high and mighty; Skid Row residents as Wall Street execs. We forget what it would be like to throw up an angry fist at the world and yell "Why does it have to be like this?" Why do we have to live in a world where people are forced to choose between food and medicine? To eat clay bricks or nothing, as many children in Haiti do? Why do we have to live in a world with sweatshops, slave trades, and domestic violence? Why does it have to be like this?

I don't think it does. I think things can change. Slowly, surely, slightly. Doubt creeps in easily, and even as I write this I want to type "We will never see an end to world poverty." But if we live like we will see that end, if we live like we have a choice to live in a different kind of world, how much closer will we get?

Haitian Prayer

O Lespri San, desaan sou nou. Nou gen yon misyon pou Ayiti.

O Lespri San, desaan sou nou. Nou gen yon misyon pou lemond.

O Holy Spirit, descend on us. We have a mission for Haiti.

O Holy Spirit, descend on us. We have a mission for the world.

He asked...

2010-01-12T17:35:00.000-08:00

I said yes!

Vacation!

2010-01-08T15:44:00.000-08:00

Sort of. I managed to work my schedule out so I get 4 days off this weekend. I'm still working 40+ hours on either side, but I'm super excited to have a block of time off. Winter is rough to be a JV. Some how, you are just so much more connected to the environment. In Spokane, I had to walk home from work several times in the snow when the buses weren't running. (John and Jon had to walk every day, so not complaining!) We're cooped up inside a lot more, meaning (usually) more roommate quarrels. And work is obviously much more draining. We're busier, people are more tired.

So this weekend I'm head off to Spokane with John. Even though Spokane wasn't my favorite place to live, I can't wait to see all of my old favorite spots. Natural Start coffee shop (the BEST coffee), Huckleberry beer from the Steam Plant, and of course, the old house.

Can't wait!

It's so cold in Montana that...

2010-01-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

1. I've not worn long underwear twice in the past month.

2. The steam that comes out of my thermos freezes into ice crystals on the lid.

3. The local lingerie store features a mannequin wearing a sweater and a scarf.

4. The lowest temperature recorded in the lower 48 was recorded in Montana. (-70F!)

5. The newspaper always features ads for "remote start keys" so you can start your car before you leave your house.

6. We open the dining room in the shelter for people to sleep in when it gets in the 20s, regardless of capacity.

7. Ice forms on the inside (inside!) of our windows when it gets in the teens or below. Literally, one of our bedroom windows was completely covered with ice.

8. According to Wikipedia, the name for Missoula comes for the Salish word for the Clark Fork River, which means "Place of freezing water."

Only 6 more months to spring!

[Full disclosure: That picture was taken in BC, not Montana. But..close enough.]

Day care?

2010-01-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

When I first started working here, people told me this job would be so different than working at the day care. I'm really not too sure about that. For instance, in the past 24 hrs I've:

* Cleaned sharpie off of a wall

* Cleaned up urine/feces

* Woke someone up from a nap

* Helped someone tie their shoe

Truthfully, it can be pretty similar.

Cross Country Skiing

2009-12-31T19:26:00.000-08:00

This week, this girl

came to Montana.

And we went cross country skiing.

Here.

With these ladies.

And this guy, of course.

John's family packed a picnic.

And then went back to pet sit this girl.

Hell

2009-12-29T22:42:00.000-08:00

"Where does the word hell come from?" a client asked me the other day.

"I think it comes from helium," he said, answering himself. "Helium is cold. Its the coldest gas. Hell is being cold and lonely."

A JV Christmas

2009-12-23T11:07:00.001-08:00

How to have a JV Christmas:

Ornament on our very scrawny, free tree.

Our house, plus a Christmas wreath recreated from someone's throw away Christmas decorations. Plus Jen's snowflakes.

Snow! We had more earlier but it melted. There was a dusting today though.

Christmas Cards

Snow

Advent wreath with greens we "borrowed" from a local park.

Peppermint Mochas with John

Yum.

Christmas is coming

2009-12-22T11:32:00.000-08:00

Last week, when the temperatures thankfully and finally rose out of the single digits, and we had our first true winter snow, we also had our Christmas party! The theme was "Ugly Christmas Decoration," so we told people they had decorations they would like to get rid of (eg singing Santas) we would take them. Surprisingly few people gave us "ugly" decorations, and instead gave us beautiful ornaments that they were no longer using. Which we used to decorate our truly Charlie Brown tree. (I'll put up a picture soon). We had chili and cider, plus many delicious goodies people brought. We ate like queens for the rest of the week!

In other Christmas party news, the Salcido held its first anniversary party last Friday. We had volunteers come decorate, during which a fight broke out and law enforcement arrived. Luckily for them they had just stepped out for a few and were gone till after the police left. But the party went off with out a hitch. It had been a long week, what with the fight, a man trying to commit suicide, other dramatic events and much party preparation. But the place looked lovely with Christmas lights and trees. Plus the Poverello cooked a delicious lunch!

This past weekend I took a break from Christmas parties and went to Great Falls with John. It was great to see his family, relax, and (of course) eat well. It'll be sad to be away from my home on Christmas, so it was nice to get some(one's) family time in.

This is what my holiday will look like:
12/22: Work
12/23: Off! Cleaning, relaxing, and no baking because our house is full of treats.
12/24: Work, Christmas Eve dinner at a retired couple's house who we are friends with.
12/25: Work, half day. Probably lunch at the Pov, then Christmas movies, dinner, wine, and chocolate with my roommates.
12/26: Work
12/27: Liana, a friend from college comes in to town! We will probably go cross country skiing.

So yes, I'm working, but I think I will have a perfectly lovely time.

My Lunch, or JVs don't starve

2009-12-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

My lunch:

Orange shrimp fried rice

Ingredients:

Rice (leftover from dinner last week)
Shrimp (left over from our Christmas party yesterday)
Celery/Carrots/Broccoli (leftover from a veggie tray yesterday)
Orange (gift from a friend of ours)
Soy sauce (bought)
Red pepper flakes (bought)
Egg (bought)

Not that what I eat on a daily basis fascinating, but I thought y'all (cough, Mom, cough) might like to know that even on a tiny budget, I can eat quite well.

Ha!

In defense of Christmas

2009-12-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

Wrapping paper, bows. The jingling of Salvation Army's bells and there bright red pots. Christmas is a time of generosity.

It's also the time of year non-profits receive the bulk of the donations they will for the year. And for most people, it's the time cash is the tightest.

So if you want to contribute to good will to all, here's a few things I've seen you can do without breaking the bank.

* Donate items instead of cash. Homeless shelters can always use hats, gloves, scarves, blankets. Women's shelters that allow children can always use art supplies and children's books.
* Call to ask if there are any items on the agencies wish list. Something simple like a new coffee pot for $30 is probably way down on the priority list to buy if someone donates $30, but would be much appreciated.
* Donate gift cards. Gas gift cards are great for agencies whose workers drive a lot. Or a Starbucks card to a college student minister who takes people out for coffee often.
* Donate to JVC Northwest. Okay, so this isn't a shameless plug for JVC. Really, the money you donate there will go far. Through recruiting and placing volunteers, they save agencies throughout the northwest thousands of dollars each year. It's one way for a few bucks to make an even bigger difference.

www.adventconspiracy.org for more inspiration.

Forecast

2009-12-07T08:17:00.003-08:00

Weather for Missoula, MT

Current Temperature: -1
High: 8
Low: -9

Thanksgiving

2009-12-04T11:50:00.001-08:00

1 car, 3 planes, and 2 buses I made it from Virginia back to Missoula in less than 15 hours. Beats the heck out of a covered wagon.

Thanksgiving was a nice reprieve from work, as well as the cold. It was in the upper 60s in Virginia, and now its a high in the teens. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. A little too much like Christmas. I don't mind the cold too much, to be honest. And it's tough to mind keeping the house at 62 when I know I have clients sleeping outside. You do have to get creative with ways to stay warm when you are in JVC Northwest. Tips we've learned:

Tea. It warms inside out. Eskimos actually drink lots of tea to stay warm.
Microwave a bag of beans or rice in a pillow case or something like that. It's great to sleep with at night.
Flannel sheets are WAY warmer than regular cotton.

She's tough. She's from Virginia.

2009-11-18T11:44:00.000-08:00

The above is a conversation I overheard between two clients while I was changing the water jug. It made me smile.

Some days, however, I do not feel tough. For example, yesterday I broke down and cried after work. I had an older gentleman sob to me about how he can't talk to his brother, who is in a nursing home in Tennessee, anymore because he just had a feeding tube put in. The brother is autistic and the last time he tried to call, he wouldn't come to the phone.

I had another gentleman insist we call 911 because he was allegedly throwing up blood. He then decided not to go along with the paramedics and to do the chicken dance across the street.

I spent hours convincing a client to call the suicide hotline for veterans. He had been an army medic and had a 2 year old girl die in his arms after being shot. He said he couldn't fall asleep without seeing her and so he just got drunk every night and high every day and was sick of it. Then the Doctor on the crisis hotline called me back to chew me out about how he was just trying to pull a ruse and find a free place to stay and was being ludicrous.

My coworker called animal control on a dog which constantly was forgotten and tied up outside.

I had another man spend the entire day trying to get in touch with his brother, who never called him back.

I had another gentleman threaten another man for allegedly slashing his bike tires.

There are some moments that are rewarding, and others that are downright discouraging. And that's why today, on my day off, I am still in my pajamas at 1 and am ready for Thanksgiving!

Keepin the Peace

2009-11-15T13:11:00.000-08:00

"A big part of job is keeping the peace" - Pov staff member in an article on the Poverello that appeared in today's paper.

Which is true. Its hard finding, keeping, or creating 'peace.' Whether its what movie to show at work, or whose turn it is to do the dishes.

And so I like this blessing:

May the blessing of Light be on you
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
And warm your heart till it glows
Like a great peat fire, so that the stranger
may come and warm himself at it
and also a friend
And may the light shine out of the two eyes of you
Like a candle set in the windows of a house
Bidding the wanderer to come in out of the storm.

And may the blessing of the Rain be upon you, the soft sweet rain.
May it fall upon your spirit so that all the little flowers may spring up
And shed their sweetness on the air
And may the blessing of the Great Rains be on you
May they beat upon your spirit and wash it fair and clean
And leave there many a shining pool where the blue of heaven shines
And sometimes a star.

And may the blessing of the Earth be upon you, the great round earth
May you ever have a kindly greeting for them you pass
As you're going along the roads
May the earth be soft under you when you rest upon it
Tire at the end of the day
And may it rest easy over you
When at the last you lay out under it
May it rest so lightly over you
That your soul may be out from under it quickly
And up, and off, and on its way to God.

And now may the Lord bless you all, and bless you kindly.

Lastly, Pictures Part 3.

2009-11-11T12:14:00.001-08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

So the other weekend, one of my housemates and I took a trip to the local graveyard for an event entitled "Stories and Stones." Local people dressed up as some of the more famous, or rather infamous, Missoulians, and stood by their graves to regale the public with their stories.

Infamous Missoulian, Mrs. Gleim, the first woman in Missoula to run her own business. Take a guess at what it was...

It was actually a ton of fun. It was a beautiful fall day and we spent the afternoon listening to local actors tell fun stories, drinking cider, and just enjoying the sunshine. One of my favorites was a story from a local Missoulian who was the first white woman to live and die in Montana. As a widow, she opened a bakery and sold slices of pie for $5 gold pieces! Apparently flour was $30 for a 100lb bag and the miners would pay anything.

Also good was the first school teacher in Missoula. She gave us a list of the rules they had to follow which included:

1. You will not marry during the term of your contact.

2. You will not keep company with men.

3. You must be home between the hours of 8 pm and 6 am unless attending a school function.

4. You may not loiter downtown in an of the ice cream shoppes.

5. You may not travel beyond the city limits unless you have permission of the chairman of the board.

6. You may not ride in a carriage or an automobile with any man unless he is your father or brother.

7. You may not smoke cigarettes.

8. You may not dress in bright colors.

9. You may not under any circumstances die your hair.

10. You must wear at least 2 petticoats.

11. Your dresses must not be any shorter than two inches above the ankle.

These rules are posted under our fridge, entitled "Rules for Jesuit Volunteers." I think we've broken all of them except 1, 7, and 10.

Pictures Part 2

2009-11-11T11:47:00.001-08:00

Life in Missoula

Hiking up in the Seeley Swan Valley. John and I went and we saw some gorgeous trees, a stunning lake, and a hidden waterfall. Unfortunately, we also saw lots of clouds and not so much the spectacular mountain views I wanted.

The Farmer's Market is a wonderful Saturday tradition in Missoula.

Every Saturday there are two, count 'em, two farmers' market's PLUS a crafts fair to frequent. So the entire downtown is abustle with people doing their saturday shopping. It's one of my favorite parts of Missoula. I love seeing the community out and about, people on the street playing guitar, tons of local flavor to be sampled, etc.

We bought 2 "Fireside" apples to taste test, mainly because the name was so intriguing. And yes, I am holding a (gasp) disposable coffee cup. I finally bought a to-go one for 20 cents from our church's garage sale. But getting coffee before I walk around the market is one of my favorite things to do, so I always indulge.

Jen liked hers, I think.

PICTURES! Part 1

2009-11-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

My computer is back and instead of doing one gigantic picture post, I will do a few separate ones:

We went on our retreat at Flathead Lake back in October. Flathead is beautiful country. The retreat was on community, which was something that was much needed to hear. We focused on forgiveness and right relationship, which is something everyone needs to hear day to day, and something that when you live with 4 other people, you need to be hit over the head with once in a while.

Flathead Lake

Doesn't this rock look like a face?

The dock

Mission Mountains

A sleepy Montana morning

2009-11-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

The sun struggles to rise over the mountains which loom above a sleepy Montanan town. Weak rays of gray light illuminate the ominous clouds to the north. The air is surprisingly warm for November, but the wind whistles through my tires as I bike along quiet streets. Off to work before the sun has cleared the horizon.

A wind blows through the streets of downtown. A ghost wind which has cut through many small towns that morning, towns who tell tales of the mining days, of the glory days. Leaves blow in the streets, and I think to myself if they were only tumble weeds, this would be a western sight. The leaves dance around a forgotten flask left empty and open on the corner.

The coffee shops are the only stores with their lights on this early. The espresso love affair must have spread eastward from Seattle. But each cup reminds me of cowboys sitting around campfires, cup of black, strong coffee in hand. Sitting in the light of the night, cup of joe and a flask to stay warm.

On food

2009-11-05T16:14:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went to Helena with John. And I ate, for the very first time....

antelope.

It's nothing to write home about, that's for sure. Its enough to blog about though, huh?

In other news, I've also tried elk for the first time. Now that's not all that bad, actually.

Still no pictures...

2009-11-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

It's frustrating not having my computer because the things I'd like to write about (hiking, the retreat, knitting) have pictures to go along with them.

It's kind of a lull at work right now. The majority of people we serve receive SSI and SSDI and so get their paychecks at the end of the month. So for the first week or so of every month, we're pretty quiet. A fair number of people get a hotel for a week and drink. Which is not the picture of homelessness most people prefer. It seems that there are few major stereotypes of homelessness:

1. The mentally ill man with fingerless gloves, knit cap, green trench coat and a shopping cart full of odd-ball items.

2. The down 0n his luck, hardworking American who just needs a hand-up, not a hand-out.

3. The lazy alcoholic who just is looking to panhandle and not work.

Of course, stereotypes have roots somewhere. A good number of people who are homeless are mentally ill and are unable to sustain housing. For some people, the stress of paying bills monthly, abiding to a landlord's rules, etc. can be too stressful. Homelessness is not simply a result of housing shortages, but of a lack of supportive housing.

We do have people who are simply down on their luck, and we'll see more and more of them. We have people with college degrees who have held regular jobs and donate regularly to charities. But if your husband dies, and you're laid off, and then you get in a bad relationship and move across the state and are stranded when he leaves you, it's not simply a matter of needing a new job.

The majority of people we see struggle with some form of chemical dependency or self-medication. And its a tricky place to be in. Detox costs money, and many hospitals in our area don't offer detox services. And if you haven't been able to work because of your alcoholism, then its hard to come up with the money. And its hard to stay dry on the streets even if you start AA.

The only thing all people who are homeless have in common is they don't have regular housing. Right now, we have a 25 year old filling out job applications, a man whose 4th month of sobriety is today, a bilingual man writing a letter to his granddaughter, someone watching music videos online, a woman taking a nap, an ex-hippie, a woman with a puppy checking her e-mail. I've had conversations with people ranging from favorite cookbooks, to current events, to 80s hair bands.

It's always interesting.

One more thing

2009-10-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

Buy in bulk. I got flour for .59 cents a lb yesterday!

Crunchy granola

2009-10-27T15:14:00.001-07:00

So I haven't posted in a while because I wanted to put up pictures from our retreat up in Flathead. But my computer is en route to the Apple shop, so I can't. Well, by en route, I mean they sent me a DHL label, which no longer picks up shipments in the US. Of course, I could drop it off at a DHL location, but I don't think they have one in Montana. At least not Missoula. So they sent me a FedEx label. Of course, this would be a lot easier if there was an Apple store in Montana, but there's not.

So Missoula is known for being a "crunchy granola" town. I learned this when going to a wedding with John. His college roommate's mother was telling me, aghast, about someone whom she knew that went to Missoula, "for three days - just for fun!"

This is my super easy recipe for granola:

1 stick butter (or a 1/4 cup vegetable oil)

1/4 cup molasses

1/4 cup honey

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp vanilla

3 tbl vegetable oil

Mix these together and pour over 4 cups of whole oats

Spread over a greased pan

Bake in a 325 degree oven for 10 minutes at a time, for about 30 minutes total. Check OFTEN, it burns easily.

Mix in 3/4 cup dried fruit (raisins, if you're a JV) and 1 cup nuts (or not, if you're a JV)

So food is an interesting thing as a JV. In this house, we get $63 a week for food for 5 women. Last year we got $100 for 8 people. But this is a rundown of how we make it work, without eating rice and beans every single night:

1. Don't eat out on community money. Until you save up lots and lots and then order a pizza. Which is what we did last year on the night it snowed 24 inches in 36 hours. And it was amazing, pretty much one of the best meals I've ever had. No one felt like cooking after walking home a few miles in 15 inches of snow!

2. Eat meat about - 3 or 4 times a year. Okay, so we could probably do more this, and definitely could've last year, but meat is PRICEY. People always say that being a vegetarian is pricey, but that's just if you eat all tofuy and organicy. Meat is expensive.

3. Vary your grains. Pretty much everyone eats oatmeal for breakfast. For dinner, we have a lot of lentils, quinoa, rice. One of my housemates is allergic to beans, so we don't have those too much.

4. Eat in season. Produce is cheaper if its in season. We got apples for 50cents a pound at the Farmer's Market! Also, we're not afraid of a few bumps and bruises, or produce that's a little past its prime. Sure, maybe it used to be a little squishy, but you won't know that once it is in the frying pan!

5. SOUP! I cook a lot of soup. It's fast, simple, filling, and cheap. I think that's cause water is a main ingredient, haha. Karen made delicious cabbage and pepperoni soup last night. I know, it sounds weird but it was wonderful.

6. Breakfast for dinner. Yum, and also, practically nothing is cheaper than pancakes. Oh, and if you are out of milk and eggs, you can substitute a can of beer. Um, not that JVs would ever have beer and not milk in the fridge. Definitely not.

7. Eat at work. Last year was a painful year of kid's food. Everything was macaroni noodles seeing as how little kids aren't too good with a knife and fork. So relatively, this year, food from a homeless shelter tastes great! Its hit or miss anyway. Today I missed the soup kitchen's hours, so I grabbed a sack lunch to go. Ham and cheese sandwich, a bag of kettle chips, and a chocolate chip cookie - can't beat that. Especially since its free.

8. Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without. I've learned so much about recipe substitutions this year, mainly as in: "Oh, I don't have this, this, or this. Oh well. Let's just pretend its a different recipe that didn't call for that in the first place." I don't really buy for certain recipes, but instead just cook what I got. And make sure that bread ends become bread crumbs or croutons, left over rice goes into soups, etc.

That's all I got right now; let me know if you have any ideas.

October snow

2009-10-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

The house has a familiar smell to it. The smell of electric heat coursing through the veins of the walls. The house is not chilly, it's holding steady at 65 degrees, but the old building has a habit of being drafty. I pull my quilt tighter around me and hold onto lovingly sewn flannel bag full of beans, microwaved for incredible warmth. My favorite part of winter.

Except its not winter. It's October. A blanket of snow fell early Friday morning, a blanket which provided little warmth. The snow hung on the green leaves of the oaks, which had yet to turn colors. And now the leaves hung in indecision. Should they simply turn brown, curl up, and fall off? Or should they hang on, and fade into weak shades of autumn?

"Arctic Temperatures Bring Record Lows" the headlines read. All I know is, I have a winter full of quilts and hot tea ahead of me.

It's coming...

2009-10-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

Official forecast:

Rain and snow this evening, becoming all snow overnight. Low 27 F. Winds N at 5 miles an hour. Chance of precip 80%. About one inch of snow expected.

- www.weather.com

I must say, I am NOT ready for the snow. I think I could almost deal with it if I was doing JVC Alaska or something. But this is no exotic location - its just another town in the lower 48. And the paper, by the way, is calling for a low of 8 tonight. It's OCTOBER, for Pete's sake!

Well, at the very least, I'm sleeping inside tonight. We had someone drop off a huge donation of socks and hats tonight, which is great, because it'll be our first below freezing night of the season.

I'm excited about October. I love pumpkins and squash, football and cider. I love sunny crisp days. But here's it gone from sunny and warm to cloudy and chilly. It will be a long winter coming up, so despite the cold, I'm trying to enjoy every ounce of the outdoors I can until winter!

(As I'm typing this, a client just offered to take me duck hunting. He said all you need is a loaf of bread and a golf putter. WHACK!)

The upstairs smells heavily of urine. I should go upstairs to check and see if the clients who I assume wet themselves are awake, but....

Life as a JV...in pictures

2009-10-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

These things comprise the basic essentials of my Jesuit Volunteer lifestyle:

And also, hiking in Montana:

That's the Clark Fork river that flows through Missoula.
Those are the mountains that surround Missoula on a cold, windy, cloudy fall day yesterday. You can see there is already snow in the mountains in the distance!
Underbrush on the hike. I like this picture because it shows new growth after fires, but at the same time, those leaves are fire red.
Hiking in Helena, this is John at the top of Mt. Helena.

That's a forest fire we passed driving to Helena. You could see the helicopters dumping water on the fire.

How to comment

2009-10-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hopefully this helps:

At the bottom of the posts, click where it says "0 comments" or "2 comments" or what have you.

Scroll to the bottom of the comments.

Write your comment in the empty box.

Click "Open ID" and type your name in the box.

Click "Publish your comment."

So that should work.

In other news:

It's 47 degrees here. Making last night a perfect night for....ice cream.

There's a local ice cream shop here that sells homemade ice cream. Last month their specialty flavor was Cold Smoke, which is a beer made by the local brewing company, Kettle House. Missoula takes its beer seriously - all the way to beer flavored ice cream! Right now the flavor is pumpkin. Delicious, especially now that fall is rapidly descending. It's come late here, but its making up for lost time. John emptied his pockets of quarters and I contributed my last two bucks (end of the month!) and we bought a pint of ice cream. For one, its much cheaper than getting 2 separate scoops. For another, the typically long lines at Big Dipper are much, much shorter when its in the 40s!

So we split a pint and watch the Ken Burns documentary on the national parks. It was interesting, especially since we had just returned from a talk at the University on Public Lands in Missoula. The Yaak, up in northwest Montana, is becoming a wilderness area.

Oh, Montana.

On Friday, I...

2009-09-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

This was a busy week. On Friday, I...

Woke up at 6:30, had coffee, and biked to work.

Went to Mandt training for a few hours, which is training on how to manage crisis situations.

Learned how to release myself from holds.

Went back to the Salcido.

Met John for lunch at the Poverello, the shelter. Shared a lovely meal over meatloaf.

Tried subtly to avoid a client who hasn't bathed in a month and kept sitting down beside me.

Watched a woman spend her first 24 hours after being raped on our couch.

Listened to a woman's story about becoming homeless after her husband died.

Picked up a clean load of laundry.

Was asked by a client if I had any vodka on me.

Had someone drop off sandwiches left over from a picnic.

Listened to two clients get in a fight over capitalism vs. socialism.

Listened to a story of how someone became an alcoholic.

Listened to someone whose fiancee just broke up with him because he drank too much.

Cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned.

Forgot to lock our patio.

Came home to a lovely meal of leftover vegetable soup revamped with rice and turkey that Karen had cooked.

Watched The Informant.

Passed out asleep.

So that's what I do when I'm not baking bread. Long day. Luckily, yesterday I went to Helena and for Carroll College's homecoming. I hadn't been to a live football game in forever, and it was great fun!

Clouds

2009-09-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

Its a cold morning. At 8:00, the sun has still yet to come out from under its cover of clouds. I walk down the stairs into the center and the clouds sneak in behind me as the door closes. In the basement of the center, the depression hangs thick in the air. It is one of those days. One of those days I would read about before I started working here, a day where all would seem lost until one brief, shining moment would make all this challenging work seem worthwhile.

A man comes up to the desk, "Can we watch a movie?"

"No, we start the movie at 9. It's only 8:30."

He shuffles back to his seat; I return to the morning paper. One of those days.

I try to find the lesson in this. That moment that makes all the work seem worthwhile. The touching story. The moment of hope. But this is not one of those days. It is simply a day to abide, a day to be. A day where all we can offer is a cup of coffee, stale donuts, a place to sit and not much more.

And for today, that's enough.

Bread of life

2009-09-21T11:39:00.001-07:00

I remember throughout college thinking I could never stomach a 9-5 job. The monotony, I would think, with a shudder.

Now, I realize, I was right. 9-5s are not fun. You can never go to the bank. Nor the post office. And luckily, I no longer work 9-5. I work 7-7 three days a week. Yes, that's right. I work 3 days a week. Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. (To be fair, I do have meetings and trainings in addition to this, so I am still getting my 40 hours a week average in).

These 4 days off a week have led to lots of bread making. So far I've tried:

Bagels

Pitas

Chocolate bread

Oatmeal breads

The bagels by far were the biggest hit, though I have trouble shaping them to look like real bagels. I got the recipe from "The Art of Bread" by the Cooking Club of America. It'd be great if I could just do all of our bread making for the week on my days off, however, we lack a good bread knife for slicing sandwich bread. Also, fresh from the oven bread rarely last longer than a day, I've realized.

Now if you'll indulge my tendencies for over-simplistic romanticized views of the world for a moment, I have a thought on food:

All plants come from seeds, water, sunlight, and soil. How amazing is that these simple, simple, ingredients give us everything from lemons to wheat to asparagus? I'm amazed.

Simple living

2009-09-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

I think simplicity can be one of the most frustrating and fulfilling parts of the JVC. Before I go any further, let me say this:

I am ready for a real paycheck. I am not a martyr. The day I see a paycheck with more than $80 on it, I will be thrilled.

Simple living scared me more than the other values before I became a JV. How would I make it on $80? (including our community stipend, I really live on about $430 a month, plus I get health insurance.) In reality, the stipend is one of the smaller parts of living simply.

For one, there is simplicity of time. I make a conscious effort not to over commit myself. Which can be hard to do coming straight out of college. But I value my quiet time. I walk to work most days because it takes longer than biking. And thus I have more time to be silent, pray, call friends and family.

There is simplicity for the environment's sake. Sure I like bananas. Do I need to buy bananas? Well, they are shipped across countries, where as apples I can pick from my neighbor's trees.

There is simplicity in my spiritual life. I don't need to join a bible study and a young adults group and read this book and that, even though those are all good things. I can also sit and be still. Which is something I rarely did before JVC, and since has brought me much peace. Its taken a long time for me to warm up to this. In college I always had something else to be doing. Now, I'm not as overwhelmed, and enjoying silence is must easier.

I'm beginning to appreciate the little things in life much more. Where my food comes from. How long it takes to make a pair of mittens. How much more I see of a city when I'm walking. How easy and delicious canning really is.

I'm beginning to enjoy this simple life. When I go slower, I see more and therefore appreciate more. I always thought if I slowed down I'd lose focus. But now, its hard to see how I'd concentrate otherwise.

A River Runs Through It

2009-09-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

Photos!

Laura's wedding:

Priest Lake, ID:
John and I at Hempfest in Moscow, ID:
Spokane during Bloomsday:

I just relived "A River Runs Through It" this weekend.

I spent Labor Day weekend fly-fishing with John and his dad at their families cabin, circa 1930s. What John didn't tell me in all the many times that he told me how great the cabin is and how its one of his favorite places, is that all of the women in the family refused to spend the night at the cabin.

(Which is fair: there was no running water/electricity, but there was a mouse)

But really, it was pretty fun. Nice to get away, enjoy the sun, see the mountains. And I even caught my first fish! First fly-fished fish anyway.

Here is a pic of Missoula, not mine though, I just stole this one:

I get internet in one corner of my kitchen, sometimes.

2009-08-18T19:09:00.001-07:00

I am in Montana now.

It's crazy that about a year ago I was writing about moving to Spokane, and now I am picking it up and doing it all over again. This time, the desert of eastern Oregon was less of a shock when we passed through it on our Greyhound bound way to Spokane, and then to Missoula. But for the most part, I'm doing it all again, but it's a whole different world.

For instance, our house was lovingly but not quite sufficiently furnished. I chopped vegetables for our first dinner with a butter knife. So we've had to trust in the goodness of the community to slowly begin to stock our kitchen. But let me tell you, once word got out that we were having trouble opening a bank account and were running low on cash, three people dropped us off dinner and groceries in one afternoon. Montanans are definitely what you would call "friendly." Our next door neighbor dropped us off a gallon of milk and sincerely apologized, repeatedly, for our financial situation, saying, "this just doesn't happen in this town."

(Basically our agencies were confused about how/when/what to pay us and had put off figuring that out till we arrived. So that, coupled with our area director being on vacation, and a change in the rent, and trouble opening a bank account, we were getting kind of worried. Worried being a relative term seeing as how obviously we aren't going to starve in this kind of community, and of course JVC would help us out. It's all set now, but I know this house has been a headache for headquarters!)

As for the job - working with men and women experiencing homelessness is a far cry from working with kids. Here's a few vignettes:

One man came in with hands swollen, bloody, pussy and cracking. He said he had been to the Emergency Room and they told him he had an allergic reaction to soap, which was probably not helped out by caffeine, smoking, and stress. (He forgot the name of the condition and couldn't reach into his pocket to find the paper the doctor had written it down on.) He spent the morning trying to find a clinic that would fill a pain prescription because most of the ones that assist low-income people in the area refuse to fill painkillers. He had been out of work for a month because he had broken his collarbone, and that day he was supposed to start work as a dishwasher, which, of course, he had to decline.

Another man, who is about 50 but looks to be about 75, wheres a oversized black Diamond Rio shirt every day, along with a cowboy hat decorated in charms and tinsel. It looks like something an 8 year old girl would have decorated for a birthday party. He came in with a knee brace and a wrist brace and crutches, complete with cuts and bruises on his face, after he had been beaten while sleeping near the railroad tracks. He is off to a medical rehab facility, and told me he doesn't mind sleeping outside, but could probably use the time off from drinking. Yesterday, he found a purse on the sidewalk, clean and empty, and brought it in to see if I'd want it.

For the most part, our days are pretty quiet. Someone will come stumbling in drunk occasionally and make a scene. But usually the clients watch movies, sleep off the night, or use the computer and I read the paper and shoot the breeze with people. I'm the only female direct service staff there, and its pretty funny to listen to them apologize for every four-letter word that comes out of their mouth. I'm currently in the process of nipping all nicknames (e.g. sweetheart, little girl, beautiful) in the bud and insisting on being called "Jackie" or nothing at all. One of the clients wants to call me Jackie the Jesuit, and I said that's okay.

Breaking up is hard to do...

2009-08-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

No, not John and I, don't worry.

I think breaking up is the best way to describe how I feel about leaving my housemates, Spokane, St. Anne's. It's been good, its time to go, and it hurts like hell. These are the most real relationships I've ever had in my life. Ones where we fight, make up, realize we'll never get along perfectly but cant still hang out, cry, play football in the park, and love unconditionally. And there have been a lot of conditions this year. "Could people please not put onions in things they cook?" "Could we clean the bathroom more often?" "Could people not leave their socks on the floor?" "Could people start interrupting people?" So many requests that you could bang your head against a wall.

But on the other hand, they will always be my community. Good, bad, thick, thin, yada yada yada.

I feel absolutely nauseous about leaving. I'm ready to go, however. And John and I will be going to Missoula, so that's awesome. And Brian and Jon are visiting in September, so the good byes really aren't too drastic. And Alyssa will be living 3 hrs away in Spokane still. So I'll survive. But still, these are the only people who really can understand what this year has been like. I remember talking to a JV up in Omak and she said when her year ended back in June that it was a harder tranisition than leaving college, and now I get why. (Even though I'm not really an FJV, former JV, yet). You're leaving this super intense year, where being a JV has been your identity, and leaving people who know you and know every up and down you've had this year, and then you're catapulted back into another world. College, other people have been through, but this...this was something else.

But I'll be in Montana in 9 days. To start all over... And now I must go clean my house, which will surely squash any sentimental feelings I have about it.

On being a JV

2009-07-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

So the end of the year has posed much time for reflection and conversation over the past 12 months. Especially since I'm bound for another year of $80 a month, I've been thinking a lot about what has it meant to live simply. So here are a few thoughts.

* Living simply has nothing to do with living in solidarity with the poor. Being poor is not simply financial poverty, but a poverty of resources. I have family, education, etc. I will likely never be "poor." The "poor" would also think you are ridiculous living in solidarity with them, because they don't want to be poor.

* I can never really complain about money. For one, I chose to make $80. If you include my community stipend, it's a little less than $400 a month for all my living expenses. And there has hardly been a time that I've really lacked anything. Your money goes where you chose to spend it.
Granted, my money goes to the bars a good bit, which is why I've been sharing contact solution the last month and John brought me home a tube of toothpaste from the homeless shelter. (Sorry to let you know the truth, Mom and Dad.) Really, I'm just waiting on my bonus ($250!) at the end of the year to restock necessities. I just don't want to spend my last two weeks in Spokane sitting around. Especially not while Harry Potter is in town.

* I've forgotten what luxuries really are. It's a luxury to go out for coffee, not a necessity to 'meet up with someone.' Going out to dinner, or to a movie is a luxury. And when you do it once a month instead of once a week, it tastes a lot better.

* I haven't missed what I can't afford, because I have 7 housemates. I don't run to Starbucks on the way to work, I make a pot of coffee every morning for whomever wants it. We don't go shopping, we try on each others clothes. We hardly go to the movies where you have to sit in silence in a room full of people, we rent movies and play "chick-flick bingo." (10 points for shopping with the best friend, 15 points for the break-up-you-know-won't-last, etc). Friends are free, and having friends who are poor makes hanging out cheap.

* People are usually more generous to JVs than to people who are actually poor. I don't know why. I think more than a few people spent the $40 we got for Christmas on beer.

* I have very few needs, and many wants.

* Bike commuting is great, but when you don't have a back-up such as a car, waking up to a flat tire is not enjoyable. Also, bike commuters can be snobby. Once, Kelly and I went to a Bike-to-Work week pancake breakfast, in our work clothes like we normally do. Everyone else there was wearing their spandex and jerseys. We felt really out of place, especially since we probably bike to work on average way more than everyone else there! (December, January, and February were the only months I didn't bike to work at all.) Heck, I even biked in two inches of snow mid-April.

* Churches that have free donuts after mass is where JVs will end up going.

It's official...

2009-06-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'm crazy. I signed up for a second year of JVC.

This has been a terribly long process, starting back in FEBRUARY and just finding out on FRIDAY! So I've had plenty of time to discern/process/change my mind, and I'm still going ahead with it, so I must be crazy. The reason it took so long is that the agency I wanted to work for just got the funding to come through for a JV a few weeks ago.

So come August I'm off to Missoula, Montana to work at the Salcido center. (www.thepoverellocenter.org). It's a drop in center for people who cannot use the regular homeless shelter due to being under the influence. They also provide services that are less case-management and housing based than the main shelter's service. Like GED classes or exercise.

So I'm going to go from working with cute babies and changing diapers to drunk yoga.

I'm excited, St. Anne's has had its ups and downs, but I am definitely ready for something different.

The chillins are waking up from nap...time to go.

So its been a million years.

2009-06-01T09:46:00.001-07:00

So I almost forgot I even had a blog. Life has been crazy at work. Catholic Charities, the umbrella organization all of the JVs in Spokane work for, has been in a huge financial crisis. Which has made life rough of many of us. I'm working a lot of overtime now (which yes, everyone does. But I don't get paid...so I have to take care of myself in other ways, such as making sure I get a lunch break!). The homeless shelter is laying off people, we're on a hiring freeze, etc... Our projects, such as the garden and the literacy program, have had to be put on hold so I can cover more time in the classrooms. Which is not fun; as much as I love kids, 8 hours a day with 8 or more of them is enough for me!

In other news, spring is beautiful in Spokane. May was a month of Sundays for me in some ways. Mid may, the family came to visit and we did the grand Washington tour. They saw dry, dry, dry, eastern Washington in the wet season. And Seattle in its wetter season. It was much fun and a good vacation.

The next weekend was Memorial day weekend so the center was closed. We went on a 15 mile hike at Upper Priest Lake in Idaho. Idaho, as it turns out, is a very beautiful state with less potatoes than you would think. We were just going to go on a 10 mile hike, but the road to that was snowed out. (Yes, snow. It will never end). Then a 6 mile hike turned in to a 12 mile hike, then a couple of back tracks turned it into a 15 mile hike. (in my new chacos!)

For memorial day we went on a 25 mile bike ride which was a lot of fun. Spokane is pretty nice in the spring. It's finally staying in the 70s here.

The next weekend, we had our retreat in McCall, Idaho. Usually JVC retreats are a bit of hippy-dippy nonsense to say the least. (I'm all for the hippy dippy, but our Social Justice retreate included a lady talking about how she spent the last 5 years in a cabin by herself on a mountain. Then she broke out her auroa rods). But this one was led be a former Jesuit (so enough against the norm to satisfy JVC) and mainly included canoeing, sitting on the porch, frisbee and a lot of reflection time.

The funny thing about the retreat was that for the JVs teaching on reservations, their year is over. And I have two more months left. (Here anyway). So lots of good byes, and then coming back to work.

So back to work...

Bikes and basketball

2009-04-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

So I won the NCAA Tournament Bracket pool we did. $55. Not too shabby, eh? GO TARHEELS!

And with my winnings I bought a bike!

A $25 beater. Actually, it's not that bad. It needs new tires, tape on the handlebars, some oil and a little love but its in pretty good shape. It's a women's Schwinn World. Probably at least 15 years old. So I'm planning on spending the weekend fixing up the bike, because luckily (and suddenly) the weather has turned...

into Spring! So maybe we got a couple of inches of snow last week. I must thank Spokane for giving me a true taste of an Inland Northwest winter. I would've hated to spend a year on the other side of the country and miss the snowiest winter on record. There is still a pile of snow in our playground.

I'm turning into a Spokanite. In winter, Spokanites complain about the winter and in spring, summer, and fall they talk about about bad the winter was. So moving on...spring so far seems lovely. Time to start planting our preschool garden! More on that when we've gotten in started.

Jackie

Do something to change the world: Enjoy spring and take a bike ride!

Spokane: It's Not Quite Alaska

2009-03-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a balmy 40 some degrees outside all week, and stays light well into the evening now. Hallelujah!

News from the house:

Everyone has been in and out of the house lately. Going home, going for job interviews, going to Seattle. I've been holding down the fort pretty steadily. Must say I'm ready for a break, however.
John got an unexpected vacation when he badly sprained his ankle. Poor guy.

News from work:

We are planning our Family Reading Night for Thursday. Keep your fingers crossed people actually come, I'm a little worried about the attendance. It'd be a good opportunity, if people take advantage of it!

News from life:

I applied for a second year of JVC, and was accepted. However, I'm waiting to see if they open a house in Missoula or not. If so, I am considering doing a second year. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's true. Missoula is a neat town in Montana. It's in the mountains and is a sort of hippie enclave. Could be interesting.

Other than that, life is life. Fairly monotonous right now. Definitely ready for a vacation of any sort.

Do something to change the world:
Buy someone coffee. The other day, I went to Starbucks because I (thought) I had a gift card there. Turns out, left it at home. I was pretty disappointed seeing as how I had no money, but the lady behind me bought my drink and croissant. Pretty much made my day. Her response "Oh, I have a daughter in college, I know how it is." (My thought: I have even less money than a college student...so thank you twice as much!)

Car accident

2009-03-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

I can't really type with a baby sleeping on my arm but this just happened outside of work:
Pileup

Crazy!

Winter, Lent, Life

2009-03-01T12:58:00.000-08:00

The biggest news from Spokane...

You can see our yard! No snow! Well, except in the berms and in shadows. This has been a long winter and has made me reflect a lot on what winter really is.

It is a time of dying. A time of stagnation, a time of slowing down.

TIme for snow and snow angels and hot chocolate.

Early nights and late mornings.

Clouds and cold.

A time of doing without - no fresh vegetables, little sun.

This winter, more than any other, has seeped in. I have had cabin fever like none other. I can't wait for sun and warmth, not just so I can get out of the house, but so my housemates can get out of the house as well! Sometimes it feels that if we all weren't at the same place at the same time all the time, we would get along much better.

And its interesting because this is the time of year lent occurs. Where winter melts into spring. Where we take the time to recognize how dark precedes light. How the green of the earth must die in order to live again.

So it has been a long winter in Spokane. We've hit our 6 month mark, and trudged past. And now we'll march on through to spring. (cheesy pun there, eh?)

Jackie

Do something to change the world: Give up meat on Fridays, maybe all year long. If all Americans gave up meat one day a week, it would be the equivalent of taking 8 million cars off the road.

Nelson, BC

2009-02-03T13:28:00.001-08:00

So those poorly captioned photos are a couple from this year. The one of the snow, trees, and valley was from our trip to British Columbia. We took a long awaited vacation (we've saved for months!) to explore a bit of the other side of Canada. Nelson is a small, quiet, hippie-friendly town in the Kootenay (pronounced koot-nie) mountains. When we got there on Saturday morning, John, Kelly and I went cross-country skiing.
Except cross country skiing is a bit of a misnomer. We went downhill skiing on cross country skis. Despite John and Kelly promising me that it is a piece of cake and there's virtually no way I could fall, it turned out to be quite an adventure. The easy trails were closed due to avalanche danger, and the black diamond trails were about the equivalent of an easy downhill ski trail. So an hour and a half of faceplanting later, we made our way deep into a valley, only to spend the next hour and a half climbing out of it. Basically, the 'gliding' technique they taught me turned out to be useless. The trip either was spent trying to stop or hiking up a hill. The views were gorgeous however. Even though I couldn't feel my nose when we returned.
On Sunday we went to the Ainsworth Hot Springs. The resort had a hot spring cave in addition to the pool. There was something about sitting in 100F water, while looking out on a lake surrounded by mountains covered in snow that just makes you think this is the life. If we had had more money/time we probably would've gone to Vancouver, and missed out on tiny Nelson.
Nelson also had its own organic brewery. Personally, I enjoyed their honey ale, though no one else did. The name of their winter ale? Faceplant.

2009-01-31T15:28:00.000-08:00

The house

Nelson, British Columbia Spokane River

Curl up with a good book

2009-01-25T16:45:00.000-08:00

When there is nothing but snow, ice, and cold to encounter during the winter months in Spokane, reading inside all day is definitely the best option. (With slippers and hot chocolate, of course).

Maybe that's why Kelly and I decided to do a literacy program. The literacy program basically has three parts:

1. One on one reading with preschoolers. Right now, Kelly and I are the only ones doing the one on ones but we hope to recruit some more volunteers. We spend 20-30 minutes a week reading with preschoolers with behavioral problems or ones who are beginning to fall behind and will be getting ready for kindergarten soon.

2. Family Lending Library. This is the part I'm most excited about. We are collecting books to have a lending library at St. Anne's. The objective is for parents who might not otherwise go out of their way to obtain books pick up a few to read for the week while they are on their way home. We've had a book drive at the school this week and the church we are going to also is doing a book drive for us. Someone even gave me $20 after mass to go buy books!

3. Family Reading Nights. We are going to invite parents for a night of reading/crafts/dinner and talk to parents about how to read with kids and the importance of reading. However, we have to wait till the snow melts so that people will actually come, so this won't be for a while.

My toes are freezing as I type this. John and I just went for a walk. I finished knitting a pair of mittens so I wanted get out and test them. They are warm...my toes, not so much. That's another thing to do in the long winter months - take on new knitting endeavors. (Cables are easy and a lot of fun, Meredith! I just made a pot holder with them to learn to do it first).

Do something to change the world: Read a good book. I'd recommend The Omnivore's Dilemma or Mountains Beyond Mountains.

Finally it's melting

2009-01-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

The 50+ inches of snow we got in December are finally melting! No sign of grass yet, but the highs are supposed to be in the upper 30s all week. Granted, this brings flooding, caving in roofs, and all sorts of other fun things. Hopefully it'll be a nice respite before the next snow!
Work is going well. Kelly and I have started working with kids who are getting ready for prsechool and are struggling to keep up. We hope to build a Family Literacy program that would be an ongoing part of St. Anne's.
There was a quite exciting day last Tuesday: we had a gas leak at St. Anne's and had to evacuate the buildings. During nap time, of course, so coats/shoes weren't on, babies were in the escape cribs, the pavement was a sheet of ice. (Granted, all of Spokane is a sheet of ice. They don't plow hardly anyhting here). Luckily the fire department approved us to reenter right before we would have had to load the kids onto buses to stay warm and relocate. It felt a little bit like the fire drill scene in Kindergarten cop, but I think we did much better than that.
Not too much else to report. The snow has pretty muched slowed life to a crawl. Buses are unpredictable, and walking is barely an option. (The best days to walk, actually, are the day after a snow - more traction). I've realized these would be handy: chains for your shoes. I like the snow, even though its just a slushy mess right now. But I still will be appreciating spring when it comes!
Do something to change the world: Shovel your neighbors walk. Our neighbor snowblowed ours!

Christmas is coming...

2008-12-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming, and ironically its the warmest and least snowiest weather I've been in all week. Meaning, of course, that I'm home in Virginia. Meanwhile, Spokane is buried under some 2 feet of snow. The snow storm pretty much shut down the city. No work for the two days before I left for home - hurrah! Granted, I did have to walk home 2 miles in 5-6 inches (and rapidly still falling) of snow on Wednesday night. Sure, the buses were still "running" at that point, but it was more akin to a crawl around a stopped pace. I figured I could spend an hour walking at get home, or an hour waiting for the bus and have the bus driver chip my frozen body off of the sidewalk.

But Christmas is coming nonetheless. My presents are knit and under the tree. Hurrah for avoiding all malls! Now time to start working on some toboggans for myself...too bad I left my needles in Spokane, though.

Do something to change the world: Make cookies for your neighbor. Or adopt a grandparent at a nursing home. Everyone deserves to have a Christmas.

Seattle and Snow

2008-12-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

So far, the Spokane winter hasn't been any worse than growing up in Giles. We've only had a few inches of snow total. Tonight however, it will be a chilly zero degrees. Negative temperatures are approaching!

Despite the snowfall this weekend, our house took a trip to Seattle. Eastern Washington is dry, flat and fairly boring, but when it was covered in a dusting of snow, it was really quite beautiful. The Snoqualmie pass through the Cascades was also gorgeous in the snow. It was too cloudy on the way there to see the mountains, but on the way back it was clear and we had great views. Washington, the parts you expect and the parts you don't, is a pretty state.

Seattle is a much, much more exciting city than Spokane. We only went there for a night to go to a party at a JV house there, but it was still fun to see. I met up with Hannah, a friend from Work Crew whom I hadn't seen in 4 years. We had a blast. I saw the space needle, Pike Place, first Starbucks. I didn't actually have a cup of coffee all weekend...oh well, there is good stuff in Spokane!

The bus company which takes kids from the special needs school to our day care called and said the employees wanted to sponsor families for Christmas. It's the first year they've done it, and I thought it was pretty exciting that this year, despite all the economic crisis, they decide to spend their Christmas gifts (I think they are donating mainly the gift cards they are given from families) on someone else. So now it's my job to call the families and ask what they want for Christmas. It's kind of awkward, to be honest.

It's funny listening to all of the kids talk about what Santa is going to bring them. I know their Santas. Moms, dads, of course. Some Santas will be anonymous donors. Other kids' Santas will be their bus driver. Some will be the grandmother who doesn't get to see her grandkids anymore after her son's divorce. It's encouraging how communities make this effort to see to it that kids have a Santa.

I go home on Saturday...excited!

Do something to change the world: Buy an angel tree gift.

Montana Madness

2008-11-29T12:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

I am in currently in Great Falls, Montana the home of housemate, and in the interest of full disclosure, boyfriend, John. So all of the lectures about not dating your housemates that we got at orientation apparently weren't too effective. But its been a couple of months now, and things are going great. We still aren't sure if living together in the Casa de Romero qualifies as "living in sin," but we'll take our chances.

It's nice to have a break from work for a few days and get of Spokane. Besides the retreat, a day trip to Couer D'Alene and the overnight in Yakima, I haven't left the city at all. With a bike being my main form of transportation, my life has been pretty confined to the 2.5 miles between our house and downtown. Spokane is nice and all, but I was definitely ready for a change in pace.

Great Falls is a nice town, about twice the size of Blacksburg. I think there are about as many casinos as people here. I've never seen so many casinos. Granted, growing up in Virginia, I've never really seen any. I played Keno at a bar last night. (They have gambling machines right in the bar - this place is ridiculous). I lost a dollar, and probably embarrassed John seeing as how Great Falls natives are too cool for that kind of behavior.

The Northwest is a different place, I'll tell you that. But I still got to watch the Tech/UVA game today. Go Hokies!

Jackie

Do something to change the world: Invite strangers over for dinner. Ask Mom and Dad about that one.

Spomak

2008-11-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we entertained the lively JV crew from Omak, WA. Omak is on the Colville Reservation and four JVs live there who teach in the elementary school. It was interesting to see how people can have a completely different JVC experience than we are. We had a fun weekend. Jon's parents were also in town and they took us out to dinner. Pretty exciting times! Another big splurge for the weekend - the new James Bond movie. I definitely enjoyed it.

Its funny how living on a stipend of $80 makes you think so much more about you purchases. For instance, a movie was $10, so it was definitely a treat. Not that $10 was a ridiculous amount to spend, but it makes me realize that its not something I can do very often, so I should definitely enjoy it when I can. Or going out for a cup of coffee. I probably do that about once a week, but it reminds me what a big luxury coffee really is. It comes from thousands of miles away. Think of how many people, farmers, merchants, coffee shops have to work for you to have one cup of coffee. (And think of how many people are working below a living wage for it). I'm trying to switch to only drinking fair trade coffee. It's something I'd recommend looking in to. And another east/west difference: regular coffee is always referred to as drip coffee, and its always about the 5th thing down on the menu. Espresso rules the roost out here.

The point is - enjoy what you do.

Jackie

Do something to change the world: Forego to-go cups. Bring along your travel mug or ask for a house cup next time you are getting coffee.

Social Justice Soup

2008-11-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

So work.

I work at St. Anne's Child and Family Center, which is basically a day care. Because what the government alots for a working family to pay for daycare doesn't actually cover daycare costs, St. Anne's is a mixed income model. By enrolling 70% private pay families and 30% state pay, low income families can participate in high quality daycare.

Granted, this means for my year of working for social justice, 70% of my time is spent hanging out with kids whose designer overalls cost more than I make in a week. Which needless to say, can be a little frustrating.

So Kelly and I are looking for ways to incorporate social justice into our jobs. On Wednesday we hosted a preschool family cooking night. We made pumpkin soup from local pumpkins and provided families with information on the importance of eating locally and how to cook with kids. It brought some new families in that hadn't participated in school events before, which was exciting. The kids had a good time, but I think the parents had a harder time following directions than their 3 and 4 year olds did!

Why eat local? Here's two easy reasons:
1. You aren't paying the high gas prices it costs to ship your food across the country. Food is also more nutritious because it there is less lost time from garden to plate.
2. Money stays in your community instead of going to a CEOs pocket.

Do something to change the world:
Go to your local farmer's market. Or look for local products in your grocery store.

Right Relationships

2008-10-28T21:52:00.000-07:00

So one of the four JVC values is community. So here is a bit about mine:

There are eight of us who live in the house: five girls, three guys. Two of the girls and one of the guys work at St. Margaret's Women's Shelter, two of the guys work out the House of Charity (homeless shelter), one girl works at St. Anne's Child and Family Center with me, and another works at Bernadette's Place, a home for developmentally disabled women. We have people from Montana, Idaho, Massachusetts, Washington, and California. I have to admit, during orientation I had a moment of "oh my goodness, these are the people I'm going to live with all year."

How we build community:

Last Sunday we spent the afternoon playing wiffle ball in the park.

We eat dinner together every night we're home.

Once a week we have a community night (anything from watching Will Ferrell to discussing politics).

Once a month we turn off our electricity and slow down life a bit.

We share all of our food.

Mainly the difference in living in community and living with roommates is being intentional. Intentionally spending time together, asking how each other ids doing, brainstorming ways to grow closer.

Like the Sunday we all stayed in our pajamas until around till mid-afternoon.

Or the night we played charades, when the category was people who live in this house.

My personal favorite however, was this past weekend. We went on a retreat concerning right relationships. It was beautiful. We went to Flathead Lake in Montana and spent the weekend discussing relationships with each other, our co-workers, the earth. We meditated, did yoga (gotta love the NW!). But my favorite part was when all 8 of us crowded on to the 15ft wide balcony of our cabin with about 10 blankets and watched the stars. I had a great night; I don't think I've laughed that loud in months.

Not to mention we saw about a dozen shooting stars.

2008-10-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

So funny story.

On the way to write this blog, I flew over the handle bars of my bike and smacked my face into the ground.

Owie.

A slightly more fun biking story:

This weekend, Brian (housemate) and went on a 60 mile bike ride from Cle Elum to Yakima. Cle Elum sits at the foothills of the Cascades and Yakima is in some pretty significant desert land. The bike ride was to raise money for a town in El Salvador whose water pump broke. We stayed at the JV house in Yakima and had a great time. About 30 people were on the ride and it took most of the day on Saturday. It ended with a fiesta and an early night. (After leaving at 6am, I was BEAT). The scenery was great though. Eastern Wash is like nothing I've seen. Dry, dry, dry! Rolling hills without any trees or signs of life. It's starting to grow on me.

In other news:

I got my background check back. So now I can be left alone with the kiddies. Which means my days are now filled with running around filling in classrooms when teachers are gone. We are also working on a gardening grant and a dinner night with the families. So things are looking up at St. Anne's.

I'm off to a poetry slam. Never been to one, but there is a first for everything!

Other West/East coast differences:

Grid cities
Espresso stands everywhere.

Computer access

2008-09-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

I do update this. I just don't get to computers often.

So going from the South to the Northwest, I expected a few things. For instance, there would be no sweet tea. Here is a few things I didn't expect:

* Sticks of butter are a different shape.
* Huckleberries. More than just a Mark Twain character, they are delicious. And can only be grown in the wild.
* Local (or regional) beers are always the beer of choice.
* Traffic is virtually non-existent.
* Basketball takes precedence over football. Gonzaga doesn't even have a football team.
* Minorities are practically non-existent in Spokane.
* Fall starts late August. I'm scared to think about when winter starts.
* People are really laid back.
* Eastern Washington is definitely not the hippie/enviro-friendly Seattle. There's a big divide in the state between the regions. It's definitely more conservative here.
* People who think its conservative here have never been to the Bible belt.
* The world revolves around Eastern Standard Time.
* People say "back east."
* Hardly anyone drinks ginger ale.
* And it'd be called pop.

There are more, but they will be coming later!

Spokes in Spokane

2008-09-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

More biking adventures.

Sunday was the first annual Spokefest, a bike ride geared (pun!) towards non-bike enthusiasts. The participation fee $7.50 (!) included a pancake breakfast, the ride, aid, all the fig newtons you could eat, and a t-shirt. I think the cup of coffee alone was worth $7.50 at 7:00am, but getting a free bike tune-up was priceless. Okay, so maybe the mechanic said my bike needed about $60 worth of work. Pssh.

The ride went along the river to Riverside State Park. It was really a beautiful day. Low 70s, sun shining (not that it doesn't ever shine in Spokane; I think I've yet to see an overcast day). The course wasn't too hilly, but a decent 21 mile workout. Kelly, John, and I came in with the stragglers after spending a good half hour listening to a bluegrass band at one of the last aid stations, while looking out over the Spokane River. Twas wonderful!

Work, admittedly, is less than exciting, but that is balanced by the wonderful community I've found in Spokane. My house is incredibly supportive, which makes it all worthwhile.

So the other night, Alyssa lead spirituality night and asked us to reflect on "what is love?" This was my answer, which I shared with the house and they seemed to like it:

One hundred hands hugs given, thirty-seven hands held. Wiping noses - is this love? Love is patient, love is kind -- I am not. I know what love does: it rewrites the social order, sees as God sees, heals wounds, gives hope. I do not know what love is, but I know that it is that which makes life worthwhile. Love is free, and love is good. Love is holy and pure and true. God is love, and he lets us love. And we love imprefectly and impurely and we screw it up. But we are not asked to stop, we are only asked to love again.