Last day

My stomach hurts.

I can't tell if its the 2 cups of coffee I've had, the heat, the 5 day old yogurt I ate for breakfast (don't judge) or the fact it's my last day working as a Jesuit Volunteer.

In 24 hours I will be on the road, heading away from my 2 years as a JV.

Remember the scene in the Poisonwood Bible where the girls drag themselves out of the jungle? That's a little how I feel right now. Exhausted.

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy. We have had to clean the entire house in preparation for the new JVs, visitors, work, paperwork, financial reports, more cleaning, packing, etc. I feel like I haven't sat down in weeks.

Oh yeah, and I think I'm supposed to be planning a wedding or something.

It's impossible to say what these two years have meant to me. I remember another part of the Poisonwood Bible when one of the girls talks about how after you feel a true hunger of the body, you can never fully relate to people who haven't. Now, we've had some meager meals,but have never gone hungry. But I understand the sentiment of that. JVC will change you, ruin you, forever. I don't know who I would have been without JVC, but I am know I am definitely a different person than I would have otherwise.

Before this past year, I didn't know any murders or anyone who had been murdered. Now I do.

Before this year, I had never eaten antelope, elk, or venison. Still have yet to try bear.

Before JVC, I had never had the confidence to confront people. Now I believe I do, and that relationships that mean something to you deserve honesty.

Before JVC, I had never been to a Jesuit parish, done an Examen, or taken part in a smudging. Now I find these all beautiful spiritual practices.

Before JVC, I hadn't met the man I would marry. (Had to thrown that one in there!)

Now I think about the four values, spirituality, community, social justice, and simplicity, every day. I am slower in my walk, and more reflective about my decisions. I see that everything I do has a consequence which I can try to nudge into a more honorable direction. Every action can be a spiritual one, from washing the dishes to reading an illiterate client his mail. I have grown closer to God in these years, I know, but I don't think I will fully realize the changes that have occurred for weeks, months, or even years from now.

I am grateful for this journey I have been on. It hasn't been easy, far from it, but it has been worthwhile.

So 3 more hours of working as a JV. I am a little nervous about the future. Being a JV has been my identity for so long, I don't know what FJV life will be like. But for the time, I am going to focus on the present and bask in what an incredible 2 years this has been.

I failed.

Obviously I overestimated how much time I would have over the next few days to write. I've barely sat down for 2 weeks. Cleaning, packing, cleaning, working, cleaning, errands, and did I mention cleaning?

But anyway - congrats to the two Ashland JVs who finished the half marathon in Missoula this weekend! It was inspirational how you managed to train while balancing JVC. It was great seeing all of you ladies. Blessings on the next journey in your life!

What its like to work at a homeless shelter

I thought I'd continue with yesterday's post and write a little more about what its like to work at a homeless shelter.

I have never ceased to be amazed at the breadth of issues we face here. Domestic violence, mental illness, child protective services, housing, Social Security, unemployment, food stamps, job searching, resume building, obtaining a GED. We deal with perpetrators and victims, child abusers and children.

The issue of homelessness extends far beyond a lack of housing, or a lack of a job. And our services don't extend much beyond being a safe place to be. We offer coffee, computers to print out a job application or to build a resume, a dry place to store your bags. A TV to watch movies or the news on. Sometimes we have donated clothes. Couches to sleep on if you've spent your entire night walking around town. We have a bathroom.

We provide GED pre-testing, but not really a place to study.

We have phones that you can call the domestic violence crisis line, but we don't have a secure women's shelter. (Not that all victims of DV are women, but a separate shelter would help).

We have computers to print out job applications, but not bus tickets so that you can get to the job.

We will have donations of socks, gloves, and hats in December, but not in March when it still gets below freezing every night.

Every day, we face inadequacy after inadequacy. Homelessness is a large problem without much of a solution. There are pieces we can chip away at, such as substance abuse or unemployment. But the problem of homelessness isn't as simple as we like to make it out to be. It isn't just a lack of housing.

Which can make working here pretty tough. Every day you see things that you wish you could forget, but you can't. Constantly we face a lack of donations, a lack of supplies, a lack of resources for an ever expanding population.

It's tough to describe what its like to spend day after day here. You get used to the smell of stale urine and beer, the ribald humor, calling 911. But there lies the rub. If you get to used to it, you become calloused and uncaring. But if you allow it to get to you, you remain vulnerable to the immensity of human suffering.

When we had our commissioning mass at orientation, our area director told us these words along these lines as he gave us our crosses "the weight of the world is not yours to bear alone, but you are not free to abandon it."

It's a tricky line to walk.

One week

I have one more week of Jesuit Volunteering. (I'm leaving a little earlier, with some saved up vacation/overtime/holiday time/sick time). So I am going to try and post every day this week. And for today's post, here is my good-bye letter I wrote for the Poverello's newsletter:

At the Salcido Center, we have clients who will occasionally drop a quarter into a parking meter about to run out. We have clients who will walk around downtown looking for lost cell phones and bring them in to us so that we can find the owner.

I say this, because as a Jesuit Volunteer, we are asked to live out four values of social and environmental justice, spirituality, community, and simplicity, so that we can live in solidarity with those we are serving. But in my two years in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, I have never really achieved "solidarity." I may keep the heat down low in my house to save money, but I have never slept outside in the snow. I might bike to work, but I have never walked miles and miles to eat a meal. And I definitely have never spent the last quarter I have to make sure someone doesn't get a parking ticket.

Working at the Salcido Center has not only exposed me to all of the difficulties of people who are homeless, but also the myriad of experiences of people who come here. I have met men and women from all walks of life and have been overwhelmed by the stories I have heard. Stories from smoke jumpers, teachers, survivors of domestic violence, people who have been hardened by years on the street, and people who are terrified to spend their first night at a shelter.

If I hadn't worked at the Salcido, I would never have heard these stories, and never have seen not only the struggles, but the generosity of our clients. I have been truly to blessed to meet all the people I have had the pleasure to work with this year.

A few retreat pictures

Courtesy of house photographer, Jen Certa.

1. Bree and I at a tea house in Butte

2. Playing Mafia

3. Making s'mores (man, I love s'mores.)

4. Butte is Cutte!

Worthwhile

Things like this make it all worthwhile. A client gave me this note today.

Ugh

I hesitate posting this because I don't want anyone to worry about me, for one. Also, if there are any potential JVs reading this out there, I don't want them to be scared! One of our staff at the Poverello was stabbed on Monday. Please read this article.

I am posting it because our staffer, the rest of the staff, and our clients could use your prayers right now. It's an incredibly rare incident, and he was very lucky. But its definitely shaken us all up.

Hays

Here are some pictures from our trip to Hays. Hays is in Eastern Montana which is in the plains, but there are the "Little Rockies" right beside it and a small (but neat!) canyon. It was incredibly windy there, which is why we are all looking pained in the picture in front of the church. The last one is of Bree at a ranch on the plains. She has a client that thought her name was "Breeze" instead of Bree, so we had to get a picture! All photos to the credit of Jen Certa.

Song

This song reminds me a lot of our clients. I'm not great with the formatting, so sorry the video doesn't really fit. But the lyrics are enough.

Quintessential

The other day, when it was my turn to cook, I made the (almost) quintessential JV meal, if I do say so myself. On the menu was:

* Marinated elk steak (gifted from an elderly couple who has befriended the JVs for years)

* Carrots (from the farmer's market)

* Biscuits (made from scratch by yours truly)

* Rice sides (One of those put in a pot and ready in 10 minutes, everything included)

So gifted, local, homemade, and cheap. The only thing that might have made it more JV is if we had also included something thrifted, ie from the food bank or donated to the Pov or YWCA.

In another "quintessential" Montana experience, I saw my first bitterroot flower, the state flower of Montana, yesterday. The unfortunate thing about having Mondays and Tuesdays off is that it leaves me with a lot of time alone. So on Tuesday, when the sun had finally came out and blessed us with some warmth, I biked up to Waterworks Hill. Waterworks Hill is also known as the "Peace Sign" hill. It got its name from a peace sign a few people had placed on the hill years and years ago. Turns out, not quite legal to place a sign on public land without permission, and it was removed. A peace sign out of rocks remains on the hill and is visible from downtown Missoula.

I hadn't done this hike yet as I had assumed it was just a trek up a barren hill, and therefore boring. I was wrong. The wildflowers were gorgeous. Sunflowers and tiny yellow flowers, bluebells and and a white flower that reminded me of the Queen Anne's Lace we see back east. And of course, bitterroots. In my opinion, they are quite deserving of the title of state flower. It was like an exclusively pink Easter egg hunt, spotting one behind a rock, one under another flower, one just off the path.

The views were some of the best in Missoula. Not only could you see the whole valley, but the Rattlesnake Valley as well. I hiked back down through Cherry Gulch, which did not offer the same views, but was very peaceful, with all that grass rustling in the wind and what not.

Ah, Montana.

Solstice

It's just a few days from the solstice. The pinnacle of the year, the day the most sunshine will bathe this northern corner of our country. Right now we are getting almost 16 hours of sun, compared to the just under 16 hours of dark we will get 6 months from now. And in just under a month, I am reaching the end of my tenure as a Jesuit Volunteer.

It's a scary venture to no longer be in JVC. Being a "JV" has defined me for the last two years. There are moments when I am excited to leave. I can't wait to have control over my own checkbook, to just go grocery shopping when we're out of food and not to need to have a community meeting first. I'm excited to have a paycheck (ha! Just kidding, that's not gonna happen). I'm excited to not have to wear clothes that I don't care if they are spit up on, accidentally bleached while cleaning, or somehow otherwise ruined.

It's harder to define what I am sad about leaving. (Before you say goodness, she must've hated JVC, hear me out).

First, their are the trappings of JVC. Retreats, spirituality and community nights, area visits, meetings with support people. My retreats and area visits have already finished, and while I am sure one day I will miss them, they so recently finished, I don't yet. In my Spokane community, we placed a much greater emphasis on community and spirituality nights than we have in Missoula. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it has been different. I defined much of my JV experience last year through those nights, and so they are already a part of JVC from which I have transitioned. My lifestyle is considerably less focused on simplicity this year than last, which is something I have mourned.

There are other "trappings" of JVC, the job, the location. These I won't miss, since they won't drastically change. I left for JVC on an adventure to see the wild west, but I will remain here. I wanted to explore somewhere exotic, like Alaska, see all that was new and different, and then return home. Plans change, and the way you see a place once you realize you will be staying changes too. I have been slower to discover Missoula this year. It's also a little less exciting to experience sub zero winters when you realize it's not the only time you will have to endure it. I haven't bought any souvenirs or a t-shirt that says "Montana" because, well, that'd be weird to wear here. But Missoula feels much more like a home to me than Spokane did.

Then, of course, there is the job. I will miss my job, with all of its challenges, and with all the understanding it's brought me. I will miss seeing my clients daily and recognizing the faces of people who are homeless all around Missoula. But I am not leaving completely. I will either work part time or be volunteering at the Pov in years to come.

Then there is the part of JVC other than the "trappings." The values. And these I won't miss, because I won't be leaving them behind. I will still value community, simplicity, spirituality, and social justice.

So as the year slips back down to the long winter, I slip closer and closer to the end of my two years. But I guess there isn't much to "miss" as I leave JVC. (my housemates of course! but even one of my housemates is staying, so that's one less thing to miss!) My life will be drastically different leaving community and entering marriage, but will be quite similar too. Of course, the major constant will be that this year, last year, and next year, I will try to be loving tenderly, acting justly, and walking humbly with my God. Micah 4:6

Cycling for Change

Today, a group of bicyclists from Cycling for Change came by the Poverello. It is a group of about 15 cyclists led by a Jesuit priest, Fr. Ruhl, who are biking across the country to raise awareness about poverty in the United States. The ride, which covers 5000 miles in 100 days, is an initiative of Catholic Charities of Kansas City.

Two members of the group were former Jesuit Volunteers. It was great to talk to them and hear about their ride thus far. Check out their website; it's a pretty awesome project.

Solidarity, baby.

You arrive at the front door soaking wet, I arrive soaking wet. You arrive cold, I arrive cold, fingertips red and burning.

Granted, I am only wet and cold from biking to work and not from sleeping outside, but that's solidarity for you.

At least that's what I told myself when I arrived to work sopping wet. It poured this morning as I was biking to work. It drizzled before I left, drizzled after, but poured while I was biking.

Ah, to be a JV.

At least the shelter has free clothes so I went and snagged myself a high quality pair of mom jeans circa 1985. The waist comes roughly up to my arm pits and the legs end somewhere right above my shoes. But at least they are dry.

Retreat, round 8

Including orientation, I just finished my 8th JVC retreat of my time as a Jesuit Volunteer. At first, just getting back from vacation, I thought retreat would be a little wasted on me since I had just had rested up. But the 3 days I worked that week proved to be plenty enough to send me running for the hills. It rained all week so we were quite busy, we had two cases of domestic violence between clients, and another death (which I mentioned earlier). And a fight involving knives. So I was definitely ready to retreat.

We headed to a town near Big Sky, MT which is close to West Yellowstone. It was wonderful to see all of the volunteers from Montana, Eastern Washington, and Idaho, about 40 in all. This year I have gotten much closer to the volunteers from other communities than I did last year, which has been a blessing. It helps me to remember that this is bigger than just my community, just my job. We watched a short video based on the bestseller, My Life with the Saints, which also reminded me this is bigger than JVC.

The most influential part of the weekend, for me, was reading Thomas Merton's Letter to a Young Activist. We just received a copy at the end of the weekend, but I think it is an incredibly powerful letter.

The weekend focused on spirituality and created a lot of time for reflection. Two of the communities, Omak and Hays, have finished their JVC term since they work in schools. It was a little difficult to pair the closure they were going through with trying to renew the energy of those who still have a month or two left.

In addition to the Ignatian Spirituality, there were also campfires, s'mores, and many games of Mafia. I still can't believe how many times the Mafia won...

A little R&R

I think one of the hardest things about adjusting to JVC was going from the college student lifestyle of 4 months of vacation a year to 10 days. Which would've been the case with any job,but nevertheless was a transition.

This past week I took 4 of my vacation days and went home to Virginia. I flew in as the sun was setting, and the pink light illuminated the tall cumulus nimbus. It occurred to me how few people ever get to see this view, the world above the clouds. When I landed at 8:30, the sun had already set and it was dark out. I realized that I had gotten used to the Montanan sun's habit of not setting till almost 10. Oh, this psuedo-Alaskan state.

(I pause here to complain about my work computer. It's so old that the mousepad keeps screwing up and I can barely type a sentence without it highlighting and deleting the last phrase I typed. GAH!)

On Sunday, it was my grandmother's birthday and we celebrated with brunch. After that was a bike ride and I realized that I really need to do a little more pointed training for this ride in July.

The rest of the week was lounging in my parent's hot tub, sitting on the back porch, going on bike rides. And of course...wedding planning. Met with the photographer, florist, baker, hairstylist. Plus got a few other to-dos done.

Then it was off to Baltimore for a cousin's wedding and to see the family. The little ones are growing up, as most everyone tends to do. It was fun to see my parents' old stomping grounds, and to eat some good seafood. Montana's not known for its crabcakes. But the one I had in Baltimore was quite wonderful.

The week went by quickly and then it was back to the wild blue!

We have this hope

March, April, and May have proved to be rough months for the Salcido. We have lost 4 clients over the past few months, and are also reaching some financial trouble. See here.

I won't write about the how we lost the four clients, not because some involve open police investigations, but also out of respect for the privacy any family would desire. That, and death is a difficult thing to write about.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Hebrews 6:19

Times like these, it's good to remain anchored in hope. It can be, however, to figure out out for what we should be hoping.

World peace?

An end to hunger, homelessness?

That it'll ever get above 65 in Missoula?

I'm not sure. Suggestions, anyone?

Bitter

I remember once, as a kid, asking my dad why he drank coffee every day since, obviously, it was "gross."

He replied, "it takes a while to realize that not every beverage you drink has to be sweet."

I thought about this for a bit. Milk isn't really sweet. Water isn't either. And juice...well, yeah, that is. And coke...yeah that definitely is. Okay, I guess Dad has a point. But why would you want to drink something bitter anyway?

In college I learned how to choke down the stuff, with plenty of milk, sugar, blending, whipped cream and caramel topping. By senior year, I had learned to take my coffee with only cream, but it wasn't until last year that I joined the adult world with the routine of the daily cup of joe. Working with children at the day care brought me many joys, one of which being the joy of caffeine. Most Friday mornings, in the months that I biked, I would treat myself to getting up a little earlier and going out for some quiet time and a cup of drip at a nearby coffee shop.

I think of coffee when I think of my response to the question, "how has your JVC experience been?" For some reason, I think people often expect the answer to be along the lines of "wonderful, perfect, awesome, so glad I did it, enjoyed every minute, everyone should do it." Usually I mutter something along the lines, "good, but tough. Worthwhile, but I'll be ready for the next phase of my life." Which leaves me wondering why I haven't been more enthusiastic. Or why when I talk to former JVs they don't go into the dreamy haze of reminiscing the "best days of their life" like people do remembering their college years. Here I am, doing a second year, marrying a former JV, convinced my time with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps has been exactly what I should do. Why aren't my responses "wonderful-perfect-awesome?"

I think I have learned to enjoy these years in the same why I enjoy my coffee. It's not sweet, and that's okay. I can appreciate the fragrant yet earthy aroma as I sip my morning cup. I appreciate the bitter contrast that it provides to a donut or cinnamon roll.

In the same way, I am glad that my years have not been completely sweet, but have provided me with a chance to face the difficult. To confront the bitter. And not only to tolerate life's less-than-sweet moments, but thoroughly be grateful for them.

I blame my mother.

I know its one of those things you aren't supposed to say, but its true. I do. Because of her, I am 23 years old and cannot...

make Kraft mac n cheese worth to save my life.

I also cannot make a grilled cheese sandwich.

Unfortunately, because of her, many of the quintessential JV meals I utterly fail at. And yes, it is possible to mess these up. My mac n cheese is always too watery and I consistently burn my grilled cheese.

I jest. I realize I am lucky that I grew up eating real meals and have learned (somewhat) how to cook. I still haven't made it to my mom's level yet, but I'm getting there slowly.

It's amazing how many barriers there are between low-income or homeless people getting healthy meals. Things which don't expire, are portable, and hearty don't tend to be healthy. Things which are healthy, like fresh fruits and vegetables, require places to cook and a little know-how.

There are many ways to respond to this issue. When we donate food to food banks, we could choose items that are at least healthy versions of non-perishables. We could support local farms to insure that things like fresh fruits and vegetables will still be around. We can support health care reforms which include preventative care so more people can learn about proper nutrition.

But for me, its cooking. Cooking is what teaches me to make choices about what I do and don't put in my body. Chopping each carrot and slicing each rhubarb stalk reminds me of the abundance of the earth. Stirring a pot of soup soothes me after a long day at work. And it reminds me to be grateful. Grateful that I have food on my plate. And grateful to have a mother that taught me how to cook.

So Mom, happy Mother's Day!

I have a new friend

This guy:

On a walk last night, Jen and I stumbled upon this darling terrier wandering the streets of Missoula. We could see it had a number on the dog tag, but it was too dark to read it so we thought "we'll just bring it home, call, its probably one of our neighbors."

Apparently, the number was just to Missoula Animal Control, and not the owners. So we would have a new pet until the shelter was open to call them. [If you are my landlords, we have no intention of keeping her! She slept in the garage last night and I've called the real owners]

But in the mean time...

The girls named it "JV." I think just because its fun to say "good JV. or "Bad JV." And even though we are JVs, and on meager budgets, we have absolutely no dog food in this house. Any ideas on what human food to feed a dog appreciated.

Bike to Work Week

Oh this wonderful time of year. I love Bike to Work Week. And not because of helping the environment, or being healthier, or any of those reasons. No. Because of the free coffee.

Various places around town are giving away free coffee one day this week to encourage people to bike to work. It's like getting paid to do something you would be doing anyway. Granted, I didn't get back on my bike until last week, in part because I knew BTW was coming up. In my defense, this is the forecast for the week:

Sunday: High 51

Monday: High 62

Tuesday: High 63

Wednesday: High 46

Thursday: High 39

Friday: High 45

Saturday: High 49

Lows in the 20s and 30s, chance of snow and rain Tuesday-Saturday.

Anyhow, I am enjoying my free bagel and coffee from Bagels on Broadway. And figuring, if spring never comes, summer eventually will.

P.S. Yes, that is Spokane's BTW logo, but its better looking that Missoula's.

Yesterearth Day

So I wanted to write about how we spent our Earth Day, because we did our first no-energy night! "No Energy" or "Energy Fast" nights are activities that are oft part of the JVC experience, where all lights are turned off, computers and Ipods are put away, the oven isn't used, and depending on the bravery of the community, the heat is turned waaaay down. Ashland, a community in MT did a energy fast weekend back in the winter, and I know a house in Seattle last year did no-energy days once a week. Last year, our house did them a few times, but we ended up debating so much about what the "point" was, we stopped.

For me the point is not save on energy costs or to live in solidarity with anyone. (I don't know many people besides JVs who just turn off their lights for the hell of it). The point is to slow down. It does also help me realize how many times a day I use energy. I enjoy the quiet of having the TV off, the softness of the candles. It's relaxing and energizing at the same time.

Last night, I got home and Jen and I made peanut butter and banana sandwiches, left over quinoa, and cucumbers. The Pov had several overripe bananas and they were perfect. Then, since Karen and Bree were out, we went on a long walk to the university. It was a pretty overcast day, but luckily it didn't rain.

Then we came home, knit for a bit while it was still light out, and after the sun set, we pulled out every candle we had (which ended up being plenty of votive candles we had taken from a retreat!) and sat down to play dominoes. Which lasted about .5 seconds when we realized we had an incomplete set. So we played Apples to Apples instead. It's a game where one person lays down a card with an adjective on it, and everyone else picks one of their 7 cards which have nouns on them to go with it. My favorite combination of the night:

Adjective: Fantastic

Noun: Electricity

Good point. I was very happy to turn on the light this morning as I got ready!

Grateful

Happy Earth Day! I'll write more tomorrow about how we, as JVs, are spending our earth day, but today I wanted to steal an idea from myyearwithoutspending.blogspot.com and write about for what I am grateful.

I am grateful that it smelled like spring this morning. Everything was s lightly wet, slightly green, and slightly overcast. The smell actually reminded me of camping in national parks in the summer.

I am grateful that in the past 23 years, not once have I ever missed a meal from a lack of access to money or food. Considering the number of people in the world suffering from hunger, this is nothing short of miraculous.

I am grateful for my family, which I was reminded of this weekend.

I am grateful that I got the chance to witness a conversation about race this afternoon at the shelter between a Samoan man, a native man, and a white man, just while eating lunch.

I am grateful that the trees are finally budding and flowers are beginning to appear.

I am grateful that I have found someone I with whom I will share a life.

Death

One of our clients was murdered in an alley on Monday night. Here is the Missoulian story on it: http://www.missoulian.com/news/local/article_3b658d00-47ea-11df-8428-001cc4c03286.html.

Wind

His hands shook as freely and unpredictably as the flame of the candle he held so precariously. He spoke slowly, waiting patiently for the words to reappear as they disappeared in the flickering light. The children were amazed by the dancing light in the bowl which sat on the table beside him. My heart leaped up into my throat every time they decided to see whose fingers were brave enough to get close. As the tiny ones leaned on the table, the alcohol sloshed to one side of the bowl and the flames would leap up higher, and eyes would open wider.

This would a far cry from the Easter Vigils of my youth. A nicely lit wood-burning fire would be lit outside in a well-contained pit. But this year, I was in a room another world away. This year, in a small gym, crowded around a table precariously balancing the previously mentioned lit bowl of fire, in the community of Hays, a town of 400 in the Fort Belknap reservation.

The procession thankfully began, and those gathered processed one-half of the way around the gym. Although it was only 6pm, the room was pitch black. Blankets hung on the walls, blocking the light. I found this mildly ironic that we were trying to make night come early, especially after the long cold Montanan winters. But I imagined several of the parishioners had long drives home.

The priest, an 82 year old Jesuit, sang on, continuing to struggle in the unreliable candlelight. He must be used to persevering, living on land like this, I mused, and the fidgeting of the crowd definitely didn't phase him. He finished his prayer, and the lights came on.

"Okay, time for the baptisms!" he yelled.

"JOSEPH!" A nun, quite obviously from New York, yelled. "You forgot the Liturgy of the Word!"

Thus began the liturgy of the world. Children ran wild, mothers pursued. Members of the congregation read, in that quick, flat reservation accent accentuated by nerves and punctuated by cries of children. A college student on an alternative spring break trip sang a responsorial psalm. She was one of about a dozen students from Michigan, who looked utterly bored (or exhausted) throughout the mass. Also in attendance, and the reason I was there, were the all of the Jesuit Volunteers in Montana.

And then (as the priest predicted it eventually would be) was time for the baptisms. About a half dozen children were preparing to make their sacraments this night. It was easy to pick them out in the crowd. The girls' hair was perfectly coiffed, even though the curls would soon melt in the baptism pool. The boys stood tall, although they could not resist nudging their younger brothers mischievously.

The room was filled with the smell of sweetgrass and sage, as the herbs for the smudging were burnt. Once again, I was reminded of my Easter Vigils where the smell of incense hung heavy in the air. An elder, holding the bowl of smoking herbs, circled the bowl around the children - to the north, south, east, and west. The ceremony of smoke and fire, and the ceremony of water.

This was not a solemn, reverent occasion, although I fear I am making it sound that way. Mothers, Fathers, Godmothers, Godfathers crowded around the hot tub (ahem, baptism pool). Cameras flashed, and girls ran to change into their communion dresses. At one point, I stood up.

"Are we supposed to be standing?" Bree asked.

"I don't think there are any 'supposed to's' in this mass." I replied.

I snuck out in the midst of the baptism to run over to the JV house, a mere 50 feet from the church, to use their bathroom. The legendary winds of the plains whipped my long skirt and drew it out into the wind. The sun was setting over the...

I have no words for it. They have all been used.

The wide, open plains.

The vast expanse.

The house of sky.

It felt as if I was standing on the entire world.

Tomato Soup Cake

This morning we had an unexpected visitor in Missoula - snow. What a relief, I was getting worried spring might actually appear!

Actually, it wasn't bad, only a dusting. Really it was quite a lucky walk. Cool, very cool, and quite crisp. My delicious cup of coffee, complete with cream and always a treat, didn't stay hot very long, since I had poured it into a tea cup rather than an actual travel mug. The clouds were yellow and pink with sunrise, and despite the below freezing temperature, reminded me that Easter was only a few days away.

The trees on the mountain, a deep blue green, stuck out against the white mountainside. The contrast reminded me of toile, which of course took me back to Williamsburg. The wild mountains of Montana made me feel slightly at home, as if I was walking in a different version of the manicured streets of colonial Virginia.

On a different note, this weekend we will be travelling to Hays, MT, a JV community on a reservation, about 9 hrs away for Easter. And thus, we will have to rent a car. Which costs a pretty penny. In order to save up some money for this, we decided not to buy groceries this week. We've suggested doing this before, for different reasons. One, to use up food that is in the pantry/freezer (we are pretty well stocked in those areas) and two, as sort of a fast since this week is Holy Week.

Unfortunately, we are out of some things, such as milk and eggs. There are thousands of vegans who can do without these two essentials, so I figured we could too. Earlier this week, I had been looking at a recipe for jam cake. I love jam cake. I haven't had it in years, when a family friend would make it. (Mom, do you remember how much I liked Mae's jam cake?) Unfortunately that called for 3 eggs. Right next to that recipe in my Joy of Cooking, I saw a recipe for "tomato soup cake." It's a spice cake that uses tomato soup instead of eggs and milk. (It did use butter). It really wasn't bad. None of my roommates guessed that tomato soup, which was actually tomato paste plus water since we were out of tomato soup as well, was the secret ingredient. I think if I had put in cloves and raisins like it called for (out of those too) and remembered to put in the walnuts, you would have never been able to guess the difference.

I really want to make jam cake to take to Hays for Easter. I think I'll be able to scrounge up a couple of eggs by then!

Laugh or You'll Cry

"One of those you have to laugh or you'll cry times". That's how my area director in Spokane would describe some of the stories I would tell her about my job. And it's one of the best ways to describe my days. Sometimes I go home to tell my roommates what I think is a funny a story from the day, and they respond, "aww, how sad." But if you focus on what as sad, especially at a drop-in center like the Salcido, you'll get too bogged down.

So here's some of my more light-hearted moments:

The clients picked "Cats" (yes, as in the Broadway musical) to watch a few days ago. The next hour went like this:

"Who the hell put this in?"
"Not me. It's stupid."

"Oh yeah right. I bet you like it."
"I don't like it. He likes it. He's the one that likes it."
"NO! I don't like it either."

Yet they kept watching....

Or after I got engaged. Here are a few of the client reactions I logged (names changed, of course)

* Bill: “Aren’t you a little young to be working on your first ex-husband?”

* Adam: “Do you think I’m too old for you to marry me?

“Well Adam, I’m already taken.”

“That don’t mean nothin. If you marry me, after four years you can get my retirement.”

* Jessie: “Do you need a band to play at the wedding? My band will come play.”

* Jessie two minutes later: “Can I come to the wedding?”

* Seth: “Congratulations by the way.”

* Jake: “Congratulations! That’s great!”

* Kyle: “So when’s the funeral?"

* Jeff: "I'm mad at you. I was going to ask you. But I didn't tell you how I felt cause I was on the streets, and now you done gone and met someone else!"

* Al: "Why don't you guys just move all the chairs out of the way and have the wedding down here?"

Or the time I tried to help a client set up an e-mail account who was a little on the paranoid side. The computer kept "lying" to him every time the e-mail address he wanted was taking. And you know those squiggly words they make you type in? He kept resetting them because he didn't "like" the word they gave him.

Or the time I was asking an intoxicated man to leave and he kept saying "No. You don't even know my name" as his friend was saying "T.J. you need to leave!"

Usually you just have to laugh.

Spring is coming...

I honestly don't know which is harder to wait for, spring or Christmas. Today, it is sunny, in the 50s, and beautiful outside. I am at work, in the basement, with a light that keeps shorting out. Lovely. Tomorrow - same forecast, tomorrow - I'm working. Monday and Tuesday - rain, and my days off! Alas.

Usually I'm not a fan of early spring. The weather is unpredictable and frustrating. But it has been beautiful in Missoula. The town is surrounded by mountains, and they give incredible reflections of the weather. Yesterday for instance, there were low clouds over the eastern mountains, sun shining on the northern ones, rain in the west. In the evening, the low sun will shine on the mountains, framed by dark clouds, and remind me that this is Montana. This wild, unpredictable, welcoming and intimidating place.

This week I'm working over the weekend so that next weekend our house can go to Hays for Easter. I forgot tomorrow was Palm Sunday, so I guess I will try to run over to mass after work. (I usually get done around 6:15-6:30, and mass starts at 6, but its only 2 blocks away). Palm Sunday is my favorite mass. And it usually means spring is inevitable.

Reality check

So I have a fair amount of downtime at work, which involves a lot piddling around on the computer. Which...recently...has ended up on a lot of wedding websites. It seems like there is an endless number of things which I am supposed to decide between...what kind of shoes to wear (high heel, low heel, flat, peep toe, sandal, pump). How to do my hair (up, down, chignon, braided, curled).

But to be honest, it gets tough to care about having blue favors verses yellow favors when someone interrupts my idle day dreaming by telling me that they were beat up the night before. Or I have to call 911 because someone tried to kill their self. Or when I stop to realize that this will cost in a day more than I make in a year. Or many years of doing JVC.

Not to say I'm not having the typical wedding stress. But I do realize that at the end of the day, details are just details. Besides, most of it is taken care of: date, church, officiant, dress, bridesmaid dresses, photographer, florist. But no, we probably won't have a color scheme or memorable centerpieces. We're not going to try very hard to have "unique" invitations or the most unique cake topper. Its just not worth the effort.

But what I have learned that I want is friends, family, music (we do still need to take care of that one), and an an ice cold beer. And a husband. That'll be nice.

WOOO!

Health care reform passed in the House! This is great news for my clients who might start receiving some health care. (There is a clinic that serves the homelesss...but what do you do once you get into housing? stop going?)

Something that is not so successful...me giving up meat. For transparency purposes:

I ate meat 3 days in a row last weekend. I had friends in town, what could I say? Then a few days later I had a turkey sandwich. I had had a cold, and I think it was from the lack of protein. At least that's what I'm telling myself. It sure tasted good though.

But I am back to being meat free. 2 more weeks till Easter!

Sunrise/Sunset

Walking to work on a beautiful, sunny morning in downtown Missoula.

Quiet streets.

The sun rises behind these mountains.

Sunset over the Clark Fork River.

Sun setting on downtown Missoula.

Pink mountains.

Sunset over the mountains.

I took these pictures last week when it was my first walk to and from work in day light. I can't tell you how much it shortens my day to be arriving to work in the sun, and leaving in the sun. I feel like I have a life again! Every extra minute of sunlight feels like an additional blessing, an additional chance to enjoy the world. I love summer, and when it gets to this point in the year, late winter still, I am already dreaming of barbecues and long hikes in the mountains. So the chilly spring weather is a reminder for me to slow down, enjoy where I am, and relish the moment.

Community

Two of my old housemates are in town, one just got engaged, and I spent an hour catching up with another on the phone a few nights back. And of course, one lives in Missoula! One of my current housemates is staying in Missoula next year.

So this week I've been thinking a lot about community. I've been very blessed in the relationships I have found and formed in the past few years.

Fish Fridays

So I was debating about writing this or not, seeing as how when you fast, you shouldn't advertise that you're fasting. But I figured this was about letting people know what's going on in my life, and this is pertinent.

I gave up meat for lent. (minus fish...) For a couple reasons:

1. It's a traditional thing to give up. Usually Lent is a time of fasting, and I wanted to experience an actual "fast" where I was cutting out one major thing from my diet. Sure, I'm still eating full meals every meal but by not eating meat, it influences each of my meals, rather than times when I've give up chocolate and am only tempted when I see it.

2. "Environmental" reasons. I put environmental in quotation marks, because as it is, I rarely buy meat. Most of the meat I eat is from the Poverello, which means that its meat that would've gone to waste otherwise and thus my eating it doesn't really have an environmental impact. I do, however, always order meat when I'm eating out. I think that as a whole, the way I choose to eat is fairly ethical, so this isn't a huge departure from that.

3. Solidarity. This is probably the biggest one. Most of the world doesn't eat meat every day, but growing up, I definitely did. Or 3 times a day. The main reason I gave up meat was to remember 1) what a luxury it is, and 2) how much I enjoy it. (Trust me...I'm not going veg anytime soon!)

So how is it going?

1) Lots of pasta. Which is ironic, because I've cooked vegetarian most of my meals for the last 2 years. However, my roommates made chili last weekend and ended up eating the leftovers for the weekend, so I just ate pasta.

2) Really tough at the Pov. Most of the lunches there are meat based, so I end up eating potatoes/bread/salad. This is the part where its more the "fasting" part than the "solidarity" part. It's not enjoyable, I'll say that.

Health reasons aren't really a factor here. I think you can eat meat and be healthy, and eat vegetarian and eat unhealthily. But trust me - I can't wait for Easter!

Retreat Pictures!

Here are pictures from our retreat 2 weeks ago:

Driving in Big Sky Country

Foggy Washington morning

Men anpil chay pa lou

Many hands make the load light. - Haitian proverb

The other day at work, one of our clients (who happened to be hungover) stumbled over to the coffee pot and grumbled,

"Wow. Someone else besides me made coffee. I'm the only one who ever makes coffee."

He's not. Usually he's just the only one who wants a pot of coffee at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

But it made me think about how often I grumble about being the "only one who ever..." It's especially tempting in community. If you were living by yourself, of course you would be the only one who ever cleaned the oven, took out the trash, made dinner. In community, you share the burden. But for some reason, instead of being appreciative about having people to share the burden with, it becomes easier to notice when someone isn't carrying their load. And to begin to pat yourself on the back and remind yourself about how you are the "only one who ever..." For some reason, its harder to notice that you are the "only one who never..."

For instance, I love to cook. I hate doing dishes. I know this. I shirk dish duty more than I should. And I know that if I lived alone, I would just suck it up and do my own dishes. Community is a blessing and a temptation. The blessing of sharing the load, the temptation to shift your share onto someone else.

I wish I could say that I've gotten better at this, but I don't think I have. Maybe I step up a little more often, but I still get pouty when I think I'm working harder. Maybe that's what they should tell us during orientation:

"Yes, you will be, without a doubt, the person who does the most work in your house. You will be the only one who does the dishes, the only one who never leaves their dishes. You will never be loud at night, and your job will probably be the hardest. Good for you, now get over yourself."

Disclaimer: All my housemates are great, and I think we do a really good job with our chores. (Overall, anyway). I'm just saying this is something I know I've been tempted by often!

Retreat

I have been putting off writing this cause I was gonna upload pictures. Still haven't, so I guess that'll come later.

This weekend we had our Social Justice retreat at Waitts Lake Camp in Washington, north of Spokane. It was facilitated by a couple, Carol and Vicki, who work/teach at Portland State University. The community from Hays stayed the night with us the night before, but left early the next morning. We left around mid-day, just as the gray skies were starting to clear in Missoula. It's been dark and dreary here for about the past week, so we were pretty bummed that we missed seeing blue here for once.

It was only a five hour drive, but we took our time to get there. First we stopped at St. Regis, a travel center that features a real-live-free trout aquarium! It really doesn't get any better than that. I, personally, love St. Regis. It has the most ridiculous, giant collection of moose-themed, cowboy-themed, fly-fishing-themed kitsch collection. Wonderful.

Next we stopped at Cataldo, a Jesuit mission church in Idaho. (Picture, upper right, not my own). It's a beautiful church built back in the 1800s. The contrast between the Jesuit cathedral and the mountains which had long been the cathedral of the Coeur d'Alene can't be ignored. It's good to remember the history of the Jesuits in the Northwest, many wonderful things, and many things that were done inappropriately and insensitively. I hope (and think) it's improving though.

Last we stopped in Spokane at my old house. It was good to see it again, and to show my housemates where I used to live. We had forgotten about the time difference and had time to spare.

The retreat itself was wonderful and relaxing. We did an exercise on the stations of the cross, and had the opportunity to reflect on the individual stations with a few people from different areas, and talk about how our work and community life were related. All in all, it was a great chance to get away, refocus, and see other JVs.

Day in the Life of a JV, Tuesday

My housemates might hate me for this, but I love having Tuesdays off. It's like a little extra gift, Monday night, thinking "Oh yeah...I don't have to go to work tomorrow!" It's as if I have a snow day once a week. Of course, I'm not as grateful on Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

But this Tuesday was a particularly good Tuesday, if I say so myself.

9:00 Slept in and bummed around. Enjoyed a cup of tea.

10:00 Had some quiet time. I've been reading the book of Tobit because it kept turning up in the marriage prep materials. Good story.

11:00 Got ready, ran to catch the bus.

12:00 Met Bridget, our support person, for lunch at the Catalyst. It was pretty good.

1:00 Caught the bus to good will.

1:30 Found: a new shirt from Target ($4.00), a flannel shirt half off ($2.00), a box of Pirates of the Caribbean valentines with tattoos!

3:00 John came over so that we could take pictures for our "Save the Date" cards.

4:00 Realized we'd need someone else to take the pictures. Went to bug Jen at work.

6:00 Back home, heated up a big old plate of leftovers.

7:00 The Biggest Loser! I don't know why we watch this show, but we do.

7:30 Decided to make cinnamon raisin bread. Misread the directions and didn't see there were 3 separate risings, so I didn't realize how late I'd be up!

8-11: Hung out with housemates, baked, etc.

11:30 Woke Karen up with the smell of cinnamon raisin bread. I thought it was the smoke that woke her up, since the cinnamon filling spilled over onto my oven and burnt. But it was good, and well worth it. Our oven needs cleaned anyway. One day...

A Day in the Life of a JV, Monday

This is a picture of the Clark Fork River at night.

Since I work 4 days a week, I usually have my weekend Sunday-Tuesday. It's a bit odd, and not my favorite having my "Monday" be on Wednesday!

Yesterday, I slept in. I wasn't feeling too great, so my morning/early afternoon mainly comprised of lots of tea and rest.

I worked on some crafty projects for a bit, read for a bit (Kavalier and Klay), then I remembered I still hadn't cleaned the bathroom and it was my turn.

So:

4:00 Cleaned bathroom. With baking soda and some all natural cleaners we have.

5:00 Laundry. 9 times out of 10 I line dry my clothes outside or in the basement, but since I wasn't feeling great, I went with the dryer.

6:30 Began cooking dinner. We had "Three sister's at the four corners" stew from my Moosewood cookbook. The three sisters are squash, corn and beans. The recipe called for butternut squash, but we only had winter squash leftover from the food bank. It wasn't bad.

8:15 Ate dinner. One of my housemates was running a little late.

9:00 Sat down for spirituality night. We read an excerpt from 1 John chapter 3 and also an essay entitled "Every Day Should be Earth Day," by Ann Lovejoy. The theme of both was loving through your words and actions. We discussed Gandhi's quote "Be the change you want to see in the world" and what that actually meant for us.

10:00 Hung out, watched more Law and Order, and went to bed!

A Day in the Life of a JV, Weekend Edition

Saturday:

Worked. Work work work work. Saturdays tend to be fairly long and boring days at the Salcido.

6:00 Meet my housemates at the Break, a coffee shop. We used to be able to pick up an internet signal at the house, but that is no longer the case, so we must go to coffee shop for internet.

7:00 Go to Five Guys, Burgers, and Fries for a community dinner. Delicious. Unfortunately, one of my clients was there, passed out in front of the bathrooms. (The place is right next door to a hotel that many homeless people stay at). They had to call the cops on him.

9:00 Law and Order is on. One of my housemates is obsessed with it and its becoming part of our routine.

Sunday:

10:00 Mass with John at St. Francis Xavier, a Jesuit church in Missoula that's about a block from the Salcido. It's a beautiful church, but I'm not sure its where I'll continue to go. I did want to go to a Jesuit church while I am a JV this year, since I didn't last year.

11:00 Heartbreaking miscommunication. Usually I start salivating for the donuts after communion, but my housemates and I had planned to make pancakes after mass, so I skipped. What I didn't realize is that they were all going to 11am masses elsewhere instead of 10am. So when I got home at 11:30, there was no one around and I had to leave at 12:30. Sad....no donuts, pancakes, or community mates. I did have a creative brunch though: cheesecake leftover from Friday's dinner, half a grapefruit from John's mom, and shrimp scampi leftover from Friday. I'm realize this probably isn't the best week to showcase what being a JV is like seeing as how it's been a fairly un-simple week so far!

1:00 John and I met with the church's marriage counselor. There are many forms to fill out to get married in the Catholic church!

4:00 Meet at Dan and Erin's (Erin is a Former JV and Dan is John's uncle) to go to a super bowl party at their friend's house. Dan and Erin gave us tickets to see Wilco, so this was the pre-party.

7:00 See Wilco!

11:30 Leave Wilco very, very dehydrated and exhausted, but happy. It's nice having FJVs who support you.

A day in the life of a Jesuit Volunteer, part 2

Friday, February 5th

Wake up, go to work, all that jazz.

8:00 Someone decides they are interested in their GED so I give them the first part of the pre-test. Usually that's a pretty intimidating step for most people. He remembered he had a doctor appointment after the first part so he left. I kinda think there might not have been a doctor's appointment...a few months ago we got through the first part of the pre test then he disappeared for a few months.

10:00 Another volunteer comes in. I'm never that sure about what to get volunteers to do, so I just introduced her to a few clients and let them chat.

12:00 Its very quiet.

1:00 Out of there! I only work in the mornings on Fridays. Go over to John's to eat leftover Chinese food for lunch. And...most exciting news of the day, Father Fitts, a retired Jesuit priest in Spokane, WA returns John's call and agrees to do our wedding! Fr. Fitts always goes to the JV orientations, would stop by and visit our house in Spokane last year, and worked at House of Charity (John's placement). So now our date is official. We're super excited to have someone who means so much to us and has been such a part of JVC.

2:30 Go to Big Sky brewery. They have free tastings at the brewery, which is one of Missoula's 3 local microbreweries. This is an exercise in simplicity for several reasons. 1) Free beer. 2) Local brews don't tend to support the drinking-in-excess/subjugation of women as other companies do, 3) You can fill up a growler of beer instead of buying bottles which results in less waste. Glass isn't recyclable in Montana.

4:00 Go home and start baking some bread for dinner tonight. Karen invited some of her coworkers over. One of them goes duck hunting and offered to give us some duck if she cooked! 7:00 Company comes. We had a huge feast. Community doesn't just involve the people in the house, but it extends to the larger community. Its great remembering that, especially when things get tough inside the house.

9:00 Dinner's over. Dishes and bed!

A day in the life of a Jesuit Volunteer

So, I thought I'd do a couple days of describing what its like to actually live day to day as a JV, and how we try to incorporate values of community, simplicity, spirituality, and social justice. Its fun to me to reflect on how those values influence my day to day decisions, and how some decisions I decide to choose another path. Hopefully it's not too boring.

Thursday, Feb 4th.

6:45 AM Alarm goes off

6:45:30 Hit the snooze

6:50 Reluctantly get out of bed. We keep our house around 64, which unfortunately means its about 58 in the basement where my room is. Making it very, very difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning. My bed is plenty warm...once I put 5 blankets on it, sleep in flannel pants, a sweatshirt and a sweater. I've actually heard you sleep better when its cold.

6:52 Get dressed. JV style - my pants are from a thrift store and my shirt is a hand me down.

7:15 It's super snowy out. Catch a ride to work with one of my housemates. This is questionably simple. Yes, it means my commute for work has no additional impact on the environment. Taking the bus is much more an exercise in solidarity.

7:25 Arrive at work

7:30 - 9 Do all the set up, making coffee, etc.

8:00 My turn for coffee. We have terrible coffee. I think people don't rinse out the coffee pot before they pour water back in, so we're making coffee with burnt coffee. Delicious.

8:30 A nurse from Public Health shows up. She is looking for one of our clients. "It's not contagious, though, don't worry." Her card says she's a specialist in infectious disease. Not suspicious at all.

8:45 A lady from St. Patrick's hospital comes once a month to do mental health outreach. Usually several people talk to her, but not that many today.

9:00 Put in a movie. We show a movie every morning around this time, and its usually something pretty bad. Today it was The Game.

10:00 Two clients are starting to yell at each other. One begins to take off his jacket and say, "let's take this outside!" I ask him to leave on account of making threats. He backed down immediately, but still had to leave. A few minutes later both of the clients come back in saying they had worked it out and it was a misunderstanding. While it was encouraging to see them resolve it, I explained we still had to create an atmosphere of safety for everyone and needed to uphold the no violence rule.

10:45 A volunteer from UM comes in.

11:30 Things slow down...I look at bridesmaid dresses on the computer.

1:30 Go on my lunch break. It usually consists of 20 minutes eating lunch at the Poverello, 20 minutes of going for a walk or running errands and 15 minutes of quiet time. For that I'll go down by the river, or into St. Francis for a chance to reflect on the morning and geared up for the afternoon. Lunch at the Pov wasn't the best. Pot roast, lukewarm chicken noodle soup, and gravy and rice. Usually there is salad but it was already gone today.

3:00 Things get quiet in the afternoon usually. I work on the crossword. And eat stale brownies that grocery stores donate.

3:30 One of our clients chucks a pop bottle at her friend. I ask her to leave. Her friend says its okay, that she doesn't have to go. I say its not his decision. She opens the pop bottle, which spews all over our floor. I ask her to clean it up and she refuses, so I ask her to leave for a week. I hate when things go like that.

4:00 Help a client fill out a housing application. He'll get denied as he has no source of income. His SSI was cancelled. I try to tell him this politely but he still wants to go ahead with the application.

4:15 Tried to decide if I should go home for dinner or not. Usually we eat together about 4 nights a week. The last couple weeks have been hectic for all of us, plus we have a fridge full of left overs, so we've been taking things easy this week and just eating leftovers whenever anyone is home. One of my housemates is out of town, another has choir practice, so I text and say I'm gonna miss out on dinner tonight.

4:45 Try and convince people last minute to fill out our Montana Housing Status surveys. It's the last day for them. The purpose is to give a point in time picture of homelessness in Montana. The weird thing is they define homelessness is staying at a shelter/transitional housing or a motel on a voucher or outside. Usually it includes people staying with friends or family, and staying at a motel.

5:00 Put the news on.

5:45 One of our clients comes in who is a former medic. He asks to speak to me in private so he doesn't "alarm the men. One of the brothers is outside. He got beat up by the cops. He's bleeding everywhere." I rush upstairs, phone in hand ready to dial 911. It looks like he had fallen and his glasses had cut his nose. Another former army medic decides to help. (To paint this picture, the former is drunk, the latter is high.) I think there "help" gave them more of a sense of purpose than they've had in a long time though. I convince the guy to come inside to wash up, but he's too drunk to make it to the bathroom. So then he's sitting on a chair well past closing and we have to threaten calling the cops to get him to leave. I probably shouldn't have gotten him to come inside.

6:45 Finish cleaning. Busy day! Walk over to John's.

7:15 John has an Alaskan Amber in the fridge for me. That's why I love him. Their winter beer is my favorite beer in the world. Usually John and I or my housemates will watch Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock on Thursday nights. At John's, I had gotten used to his DVR recording, so we didn't turn it on right away. We had forgotten to record it though! Oops. We watched the dog whisperer instead. Oh, and 19 Kids and Counting. (Well, I watched that. John grumbled...he got sucked in though.)

8:45 Decide to order Chinese. It's Missoula though, so virtually every place closes at 9. This is not simple living, really. However, I owe John $50 for my grad school application, so I pay. $25! That's more than a week's worth of my stipend. He says we're even though.

Good days

This week is Homelessness Awareness week, and yesterday was the day of Project Homeless Connect. Several organizations came together to put on a one day event which provided people with sort of a one stop shop for many services. Haircuts (by far the most popular!), clothes, food, legal services, child services, bike repair, etc. At the Salcido, we conducted surveys all day to get a point in time picture of homelessness in Missoula.

My favorite part of the day was one fellow of ours finally got into housing. After months on the housing voucher waiting list, Missoula Housing Authority had found and apartment for him. The lease was signed, his electricity was turned on, but before they would give him the keys to the apartment, he had to pay $41 for renter's insurance. I'm not sure if he is on any supplemental insurance, but even if that was the case, pay day would be a week away. He came to us asking if we could help him with the money, but we have no funds for that. We sent him to the Poverello, who sent him to the case worker at Partnership Health Center, who was out of town. So they sent him to Project Homeless Connect. To make a long story short, he ended up running into the mayor who simply offered to pay the $41!

I can't tell you how excited he was. He was practically jumping up and down. Unfortunately, this was finalized at 4:45 yesterday and he didn't have time to get to the rental office to pay and get into his apartment that night. Today, reality was sinking in a little more. Ironically, although he has renter's insurance, he owns nothing to insure. Not a bed, not a chair, not even a roll of toilet paper.

It's a long road from homeless to self sufficient, and there are many steps along the way.

Curious

I'm just curious...I know there is a link to my blog on the jvcnorthwest.org website. I was wondering if anyone is reading this who is considering joining JVC, or interested in JVC Northwest. Let me know! I'd love to answer any questions you might have.

Jesus

So one of the major philosophies of service is treat everyone as you would treat Christ. "Whatsoever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."

That's very nice, but Jesus doesn't get drunk too often and piss in your coffee pot.

Just saying.

It's not hard to picture people to be Christ when you are handing them a pair of gloves, or helping them fill out a job application. It's harder to picture that when they are cussing in your face. Or about to hit someone. Or polishing off a bottle of vodka in front of you, and then becoming incontinent on your couch.

Haiti

Good news followed by very sad news. As many of you know, Haiti is very dear to my heart after going there several times when I was in college. The Catholic Campus Ministry at William and Mary is twinned with College de Monsingor Decoste in Thomonde, Haiti.

I miss Haiti sometimes. The warm sunshine, the way the wind blows and dirt and dust find their way into every crevice of your body. Occasionally I will catch a whiff of charcoal which reminds me of women squatting beside the meals they were attempting to sell on the streets. The smell of urine, too, will occasionally catch my nose in such a way that I can only picture the crowded streets of Port au Prince.

The devastation of the earthquake is very sad, and very real, and I wonder if the extent of the damage could have been prevented. This was a country where clean water was already a precious resource, where this is not the first time there will be riots over food shortages. U.S. troops are arriving to a logistical nightmare, one that has been centuries in the making.

In a way, we don't mind poverty. We accept it as a reality of life. Certain countries, like Haiti, will always be poor. After all, Jesus reminded us that the poor we will always have with us. We forget that there are people and countries who need dramatic aid, immediate action, and constant prayers now. We forget the urgency of poverty.

We lose sight of what it means to be radical. And by radical, I mean follow a God who would as soon eat with "sinners and tax collectors" as the high and mighty; Skid Row residents as Wall Street execs. We forget what it would be like to throw up an angry fist at the world and yell "Why does it have to be like this?" Why do we have to live in a world where people are forced to choose between food and medicine? To eat clay bricks or nothing, as many children in Haiti do? Why do we have to live in a world with sweatshops, slave trades, and domestic violence? Why does it have to be like this?

I don't think it does. I think things can change. Slowly, surely, slightly. Doubt creeps in easily, and even as I write this I want to type "We will never see an end to world poverty." But if we live like we will see that end, if we live like we have a choice to live in a different kind of world, how much closer will we get?

Haitian Prayer

O Lespri San, desaan sou nou. Nou gen yon misyon pou Ayiti.

O Lespri San, desaan sou nou. Nou gen yon misyon pou lemond.

O Holy Spirit, descend on us. We have a mission for Haiti.

O Holy Spirit, descend on us. We have a mission for the world.

He asked...

I said yes!

Vacation!

Sort of. I managed to work my schedule out so I get 4 days off this weekend. I'm still working 40+ hours on either side, but I'm super excited to have a block of time off. Winter is rough to be a JV. Some how, you are just so much more connected to the environment. In Spokane, I had to walk home from work several times in the snow when the buses weren't running. (John and Jon had to walk every day, so not complaining!) We're cooped up inside a lot more, meaning (usually) more roommate quarrels. And work is obviously much more draining. We're busier, people are more tired.

So this weekend I'm head off to Spokane with John. Even though Spokane wasn't my favorite place to live, I can't wait to see all of my old favorite spots. Natural Start coffee shop (the BEST coffee), Huckleberry beer from the Steam Plant, and of course, the old house.

Can't wait!

It's so cold in Montana that...

1. I've not worn long underwear twice in the past month.

2. The steam that comes out of my thermos freezes into ice crystals on the lid.

3. The local lingerie store features a mannequin wearing a sweater and a scarf.

4. The lowest temperature recorded in the lower 48 was recorded in Montana. (-70F!)

5. The newspaper always features ads for "remote start keys" so you can start your car before you leave your house.

6. We open the dining room in the shelter for people to sleep in when it gets in the 20s, regardless of capacity.

7. Ice forms on the inside (inside!) of our windows when it gets in the teens or below. Literally, one of our bedroom windows was completely covered with ice.

8. According to Wikipedia, the name for Missoula comes for the Salish word for the Clark Fork River, which means "Place of freezing water."

Only 6 more months to spring!

[Full disclosure: That picture was taken in BC, not Montana. But..close enough.]

Day care?

When I first started working here, people told me this job would be so different than working at the day care. I'm really not too sure about that. For instance, in the past 24 hrs I've:

* Cleaned sharpie off of a wall

* Cleaned up urine/feces

* Woke someone up from a nap

* Helped someone tie their shoe

Truthfully, it can be pretty similar.